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Copyright (c) 1988
An Original Screenplay Story INT. LIVING ROOM - BLACK & WHITE - NIGHT We are in an old movie from the 1940s. A handsome male ACTOR and a beautiful blonde siren named SHEREE are doing a dramatic scene in a living room. SHEREE ACTOR SHEREE The Actor nods thoughtfully, then exits the living room. Sheree sits down on the couch and crosses her lovely long legs. Suddenly, Sheree gets an odd look on her face, then slowly turns and looks directly into the lens . . . INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY Sitting all by himself in the front row center seat of a large old movie theater is AARON BROOKS, a handsome 29-year old man with dark curly hair. He is watching the movie and is slightly taken aback as Sheree in the movie seems to be looking directly at him. Sheree looks back toward the other room where the Actor just disappeared, then returns to looking right into the lens. She grins. Aaron grins. Sheree stands up from the couch, straightens her skirt and stockings, then walks forward, toward the lens. Suddenly, Sheree steps out of the screen and is actually standing on the stage in the theater, but she's still in black & white. Aaron is amazed at the special effects. She really seems to be there. Sheree steps forward, hikes up her skirt and seats herself on Aaron's lap, her arms around his neck. She pulls his head forward and gives him a long, luscious kiss. As Aaron's hands slide up Sheree's back and begin unzipping her dress. Sheree's hand slides down to Aaron's crotch and . . . ...Aaron groans and has his orgasm. His eyes slowly open as he turns and realizes... INT. AUTOMOBILE - DAY ...that he is in the front seat of a car bumping down a patch of bad road. Aaron gasps and coughs as he realizes that the driver is a bored-looking middle-aged MAN, seemingly oblivious to his wet dream. Aaron glances down at his crotch. AARON The man doesn't look over. MAN
Aaron looks out the window, blinks several times
and shakes his head. EXT. RURAL COUNTRY ROAD - DAY Aaron walks up the road with his backpack on. Green rolling hills surround him. He passes a sign that says, "MORRISTOWN, TENNESSEE." The sign is full of buckshot holes. Looming up from behind a hill is the parapet of a castle! Aaron's eyes light up. Soon the entire enormous stone castle is visible rising fifty feet into the air. It is three hundred feet wide. As Aaron comes up to the castle he sees that it is just a facade, a flat, with wooden supports. A carpentry crew is pounding nails into the back securing it in place. Aaron sees a tall, blond-haired fellow, just wearing shorts, barking orders to everyone with an Australian accent. He also sees a gorgeous, dark-haired girl in tight silk shorts listening to the orders. She turns to a another girl, a strangely scowling, very pretty blonde and says something. They all go back to work. As Aaron banks the next hill he sees a twenty foot crane glide past with a gold Chevy Impala swinging from the end of it. And then Aaron comes upon an entire motion picture
FILM CREW -- lights, trucks, A thin, tall kid wearing shorts and a utility belt with a walkie-talkie steps up to Aaron. He is a production assistant, or P.A. P.A. AARON Aaron walks right past him. The P.A. steps back into Aaron's path. P.A. AARON P.A. AARON Aaron walks right past the kid again and up to where the shooting is going on. There are thirty people, all in shorts, crowded around four cameras. At the center of everything is the crane with the Impala swinging from the end. The director, BEN STONE, a swirling mass of energy with unruly hair and a viewfinder around his neck, runs all over the place. The production manager, ACE, a big guy with a pot belly and a baseball cap, spots Aaron. ACE AARON The P.A. skulks away. ACE AARON ACE
AARON Ace runs off. Aaron sneaks up behind Ben. He taps him on the opposite shoulder so he'll turn the wrong way. Ben doesn't turn at all. Aaron rolls his eyes. AARON Ben turns and looks at Aaron and takes a second to recognize him. BEN AARON BEN AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON BEN A chorus of "readys" and "yeahs" come back. BEN
All four camera operators reply... CAMERAMEN
BEN
The crane operator hits a switch, a charge on the cable holding the Chevy Impala explodes and the car drops twenty feet. It lands in the dirt with a crunching thud. Dust rises up around it. BEN Aaron and Ben get into a car and drive away. The P.A. turns to the gorgeous dark-haired girl in the silk shorts. P.
A. The pretty dark-haired girl watches the car go. INT. BEN'S CAR - DUSK Ben offers Aaron a cigarette. They both light up. BEN
AARON BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON
BEN
AARON BEN
AARON BEN
EXT. LINCOLN MOTEL - NIGHT The Lincoln Motel is an average roadside hostelry with two floors facing in toward a swimming pool. As Aaron and Ben walk through the motel they see many crew members with "The Dead Don't Die" t-shirts, tans, work gloves, wind-blown hair and all talking and animated. Ben stops at a motel room door, and knocks. BEN
VOICE INT. TOM'S MOTEL ROOM AARON
TOM AARON
TOM
BEN
AARON Tom lifts a sheet of paper. TOM
AARON TOM
AARON
TOM
AARON
TOM
A really dynamite blonde girl steps into the room. It is SHEREE. Aaron's eyes widen in shock. It's the same girl that was in his wet dream. BEN Sheree and Aaron shake hands and smiles at each other. AARON SHEREE BEN AARON SHEREE Aaron and Ben leave. EXT. LINCOLN MOTEL - NIGHT Aaron and Ben walk to the bar. AARON BEN EXT. GRAVEL PIT - DAY Mayhem. Horses rearing. Dust. One hundred knights
in full armor and chain mail carrying broadswords and shields are running
around. Twenty horses gallop past them. In front of this pandemonium
is the film crew. They are in a huge dusty gravel pit. The castle flat
is visible in the distance. The action reaches a crescendo and... A.D.
Ben lifts his visor, which has a one inch slot to see out of, and waddles over to the camera in his armor. The camera is on a crane. BEN
The CAMERA OPERATOR shrugs. CAMERA
OPERATOR BEN CAMERA
OPERATOR BEN
Aaron and Tom have their visors up. They are both in full armor, too. They are gasping for air and blinking back sweat. A.D. All of the actors and horses turn around and walk back to where they started. AARON
TOM
AARON TOM
EXT. GRAVEL PIT - DAY Lunch is served in a big open army tent (like in "M*A*S*H"). Flies swarm everywhere. It's blazing hot. Aaron waddles over to a shady spot beside a bus in his armor, his helmet, sword and shield in his hands. He drops all of his stuff on the ground, drops his body back against the bus and slides himself down to a sitting position. He sighs deeply and wipes his face with a bandanna. The A.D. walks by. A.D.
AARON
He is handed two pills which he tosses into his mouth and swallows. The A.D. leaves and someone else steps up. Aaron squints at them. It's the pretty dark-haired girl with the silk shorts. Right now, however, she is just a silhouette in the glaring sun. FEMALE
VOICE AARON FEMALE
VOICE AARON Ben appears in his armor and sits down next to Aaron BEN
AARON
The girl in silhouette slowly walks away as Aaron and Ben keep talking. EXT. GRAVEL PIT - DAY The cast and crew, including Aaron, are assembled in front of the castle flat. A dark-haired actor, LOREN McCAY, stands on a pedestal dressed in shredded rags, a bloody sword in his hand. Ben addresses the assemblage. BEN
EVERYONE
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