AARON
                                Take your dog for a walk, clean the tub, do some-
                                thing, but knock this baby shit off, 'cause you're
                                making yourself crazy.

                                                                 KATE
                                I am! I'm losing my mind!  My single little sister,
                                Terri, whom I love dearly, dreads to see me because
                                I represent everything she doesn't want to become.

Kate buries her face in her arms.

                                                                 AARON
                                I'm sure that's not true.  Kate, look, this is why
                                they invented alcohol, drugs, and friends, okay?
                                I'll be right over.

                                                                 KATE
                                I don't know why you've bothered to listen to me
                                for all these years?

                                                                 AARON
                                'Cause, crazy as it may seem, I like you.  I thought
                                you might've noticed that by now.

                                                                 KATE
                                I have.  And I like you, too.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (smiles)
                                I'll see ya soon.

He hangs up and shakes his head.

INT. KATE'S HOUSE - NIGHT           16

Aaron and Kate spend another one of their standard, wacky, evenings eating pizza, and homemade cookies (not burnt, she's gotten better at it), getting toasted, listening to reggae and making each other laugh.  Kate dances with Misty and Aaron dances with Luna.

EXT. KATE'S STREET - NIGHT           17

Aaron weaves somewhat drunkenly as he walks along the sidewalk talking to himself.

                                                                 AARON
                                We have fun, we laugh, we like each other.
                                Why can't I get this broad into the sack?  What
                                am I doing wrong?  Maybe I just haven't put
                                in enough time.  Maybe another fifteen years . . .

                                                                                                       DISSOLVE:


INT. KATE'S HOUSE - DAY           18

Kate sits before her glowing computer monitor and reads the personal ads in the back of a newspaper.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (reading to herself)
                                ". . . Attractive . . . attractive . . . sexy . . . handsome
                                . . . virile . . ."
                                                           (she lowers the paper
                                                           and shakes her head)
                                Take a hike, you can't all be virile and attractive.
                                I mean, I don't get out much, but when I do get
                                out, I have seen the occasional unattractive male.

Kate's eyes fall upon a small ad in the lower right hand corner of the page.  It's headline asks, "Have you considered Artificial Insemination?"

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (shakes her head)
                                No.
                                                           (she reads on, aloud)
                                "You can be pregnant anytime you want.  Don't depend
                                on anybody but yourself.  If you've decided you want to
                                have a child, then do it.  Safe, low cost (under $500.),
                                and our doctors are all specialists.  Call Procreative
                                Technologies now.  555-1212."
                                                           (Kate's eyebrows go up)
                                Hmmmmm . . . ?

Kate picks up the telephone and dials the number.

EXT. MEDICAL BUILDING - DAY           19

A small, modern, wood-sided medical building set back amongst the pines.  A sign in front states, "Procreative Technologies."  We hear the voice of the DOCTOR explaining:

                                                                 DOCTOR
                                                           (O.S.)
                                The actual procedure itself is very quick, although
                                it generally must be repeated several times. . .

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY           20

Kate is wearing a skirt, looking the lady.  The doctor looks like a doctor.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (curious)
                                And what about the sperm?  Where does it come
                                from?

                                                                 DOCTOR
                                We have a sperm bank, or you can bring your own.

                                                                 KATE
                                Bring my own?  What do you mean?

                                                                 DOCTOR
                                Do you know any men that you like, and respect,
                                and could ask such a thing of - obviously not your
                                father, or brothers, or any other man related to you -
                                but a good friend?  Otherwise, you take your
                                chances in the sperm bank.

EXT. BEHIND THE MEDICAL BUILDING - DAY           21

Kate crosses the parking lot toward the back of the medical building and finds a line of homeless men with shopping carts queued up at the "Sperm Donor Entrance."

Kate frowns, then arches her eyebrows as another idea forms.

                                                                 KATE
                                A good friend, eh?  Hmmmmmm . . . ?

                                                                                                       DISSOLVE:

INT. AARON'S HOUSE - DAY           22

We see Aaron's illuminated laptop computer on the desk.  Aaron rises and descends in the foreground doing push-ups.  The phone rings and Aaron answers it.

                                                                 AARON
                                Gold's Gym, Bruno speaking.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (O.S.)
                                What'dya say I take you out to dinner?

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (confused)
                                Who is this?

                                                                 KATE
                                It's Kate, how could you not recognize my voice?
                                We talk everyday of the week.

                                                                 AARON
                                I've never heard you say anything like that before.

                                                                 KATE
                                Of course I have.

                                                                 AARON
                                Kate, you're so cheap you used to soak your type-
                                writer ribbons in grape juice to make them last
                                longer.  Why do you want to take me to dinner?

                                                                 KATE
                                Because I have something I want to talk to you
                                about.

                                                                 AARON
                                Being rather cryptic, aren't we?

                                                                 KATE
                                For the moment.  How about the Bijou at 7:30?

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (surprised)
                                That's an expensive place, Kate, what's up?

                                                                 KATE
                                I'll see you then.

Kate hangs up.  Aaron holds the receiver with a look of astonishment.  He slowly hangs up and his eyes light up, a grin appearing at the corner of his mouth.

                                                                  AARON
                                She's finally seen the light and fallen for me.
                                That's what it's gotta be.  I mean, Kate's gonna
                                drop a hundred bucks on dinner?  She bought
                                her computer mail order through Malaysia to save
                                fifty bucks, then waited six months for delivery.

Aaron begins walking in circles, then exits the room.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY           23

Aaron pulls up his shirt and checks his stomach muscles in the mirror - not bad - but not a washboard, either.  He shrugs and drops his shirt.

                                                                 AARON
                                All these years we could've been a couple instead
                                of ridiculous single people.  How many times did
                                we both spend New Years Eve alone at some stupid
                                party?  Kate, how could you have taken so long?
                                                           (he sighs)
                                Still, better late then never.

                                                                                                       DISSOLVE:

INT. BIJOU RESTAURANT - NIGHT           24

The Bijou is a modern, expensive-looking restaurant.  Kate looks lovely in a low-cut, black dress.  Aaron wears black tight jeans, a black shirt, white tie, and a loose, grey, cashmere, herring-bone jacket.  The dishes of a nice dinner are cleared away, an empty bottle of wine is removed, and they both light cigarettes.  Kate gets down to business.

                                                                 KATE
                                I've got something very serious I want to discuss
                                with you.

Aaron straightens up - this is it.

                                                                 AARON
                                Okay.


                                                                 KATE
                                You know that the idea of having a baby has been
                                on my mind a lot lately.

                                                                 AARON
                                Lately?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (nods)
                                For a while.  Years. Okay, I'm thirty-five fucking
                                years old!

They both look around, having momentarily forgotten where they are.  Kate quiets
down.

                                                                 KATE
                                Sorry.  If I don't get on this now, it'll be too late.
                                And so I'm going to get on it.  I'm determined.
                                I've figured it all out.

Aaron's right there with her.

                                                                 AARON
                                Good.

                                                                 KATE
                                So I want to have a baby.

Aaron smiles.

                                                                 AARON
                                Okay.

                                                                 KATE
                                And I want you to help.

                                                                 AARON
                                All right.

                                                                 KATE
                                So, can I have some of your sperm?

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (Aaron's mouth drops
                                                           open in shock)
                                What a lovely way of putting it.  Right here?

                                                                 KATE
                                No, not right here.  I want to be artificially insem-
                                inated. I can either use sperm from the sperm bank,
                                or the sperm of someone I like, and respect, and I
                                like and respect you.  So, what do you say?

Aaron shakes his head.

                                                                 AARON
                                Do I revolt you that much?

It's now Kate's turn to be shocked.

                                                                 KATE
                                What does that mean?

                                                                 AARON
                                Don't you think you're going to rather extreme
                                lengths to not sleep with me?

                                                                 KATE
                                That's not what this is about.  It's about having
                                a baby.

                                                                 AARON
                                I know what it's about, I've listened to you every
                                day for years.  And if you don't feel that I'm suitable
                                to sleep with, why would you want my sperm?

Kate is trying to be rational.

                                                                 KATE
                                I decided that the best solution is for me to get
                                artificially inseminated, then the doctor brought
                                up the idea of bringing in my own sperm, so I
                                started to think, do I want the anonymous, and
                                potentially moronic, sperm from the sperm bank,
                                or can I possibly do better than that.

                                                                 AARON
                                Thank you, now I feel much better.  I'm better than
                                the average jerk-off, so to speak.

                                                                 KATE
                                You don't have to get glib, I'm not trying to insult
                                you.  I like you, you know that.  I wouldn't ask this
                                of anyone else.

                                                                 AARON
                                I know . . .

Aaron's got a thought and it's making him grin.  Kate sees the grin and is curious.

                                                                 KATE
                                What? What's funny?

                                                                 AARON
                                Good things come to those who wait.
                                                           (nods)
                                All right, you want my sperm, you can have it.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (smiles)
                                Thank you.  Thank you very much.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (flatly)
                                But no artificial insemination.  You've got to sleep with
                                me.  As many times as it takes until you get pregnant.
                                That's my deal.

                                                                 KATE
                                But I don't want to ruin our friendship.


                                                                 AARON
                                Then let's not do it.  Or, go give birth to a congenital
                                idiot.  It's up to you, Kate.  You're the one with the
                                biological clock gonging in your ears.  My sperm will
                                be potent for years to come.  Let me know.  And thanks
                                for the nice dinner.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (furrows her brow)
                                Hmmmm . . . ?

                                                                 AARON
                                What?

                                                                 KATE
                                Could I borrow some money, my check was sup-
                                posed to be here yesterday and it hasn't come?  I'll
                                pay you back.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (sighs)
                                Sure thing, Kate.

                                                                                                       DISSOLVE:

EXT. AARON'S HOUSE - NIGHT           25

Kate comes over to Aaron's house in the middle of the night and knocks on the door.  Aaron answers the door looking dopey, his hair sticking straight up.  He is wearing only sweat pants.  Kate steps up and shakes his hand.

                                                                 KATE
                                All right, I accept your terms.  But our sleeping
                                together is instead of the artificial insemination.
                                It's not anything more than that, okay?

                                                                 AARON
                                You don't have to go and get mushy on me.  I
                                accept.  I've been thinking about having sex with
                                you since the very first second we ever met.


                                                                 KATE
                                And when was that?

                                                                 AARON
                                With Beth at your parents' house.  You were wear-
                                ing tiger stripe pants, had tiger stripes in your hair
                                and you were smoking sweet Hawaiian pot.  Man,
                                you were the coolest, hottest thing I'd ever seen.
                                You defied natural law.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (smiles wistfully)
                                I remember.  Now Beth has two kids.

                                                                 AARON
                                And you want one of your own.  Shall we start
                                right now?

Aaron grins and points toward the bedroom.  Kate looks closely at Aaron and smiles sadly.

                                                                 KATE
                                Wanna bet we fuck up our friendship?

                                                                 AARON
                                Hey, I didn't start this, Kate.  You're my friend.
                                Suddenly you want my sperm.  What am I sup-
                                posed to say?

                                                                 KATE
                                You could just give it to me.

                                                                 AARON
                                And blow my big chance to sleep with you, no
                                way.  You coming in?  As fate would have it, I
                                don't have any condoms.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (shakes her head)
                                I'm not ovulating.  I'll let you know.


                                                                 AARON
                                All right.

Aaron leans in for a standard, cordial kiss, but Kate has already turned and walked away.  Aaron watches her go, then makes a fist and grins.

                                                                 AARON
                                Fuckin'-A, Kate!  Now you're gonna fall for me!
                                You watch.

Aaron nods, turns and shuts the door.

FADE OUT & IN:

INT. KATE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY           26

Kate comes home with her MOM, an attractive, well-dressed, sixty-five year old woman.  Kate plays her messages.  Beep!

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (starts to speak and is
                                                           cut off)
                                Ka -
                                                           (- Beep! Aaron starts again)
                                You're stupid machine always fools me, why do you
                                have two beeps?  Anyway, so, Kate, when the hell do
                                you ovulate?  Hey!  I'm a poet and I don't even know
                                it.  It's 'cause of my groove thang, which is a Longfellow.
                                Call me.

Kate's mother hears Aaron's message and looks disgusted.

                                                                 MOM
                                Does he think that's funny?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (grinning)
                                It is funny.


                                                                 MOM
                                And why would he choose that of all things to
                                ask?  I mean, you did mention earlier that are
                                ovulating, correct?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (a little stuck)
                                Uh . . . yeah.

                                                                 MOM
                                What concern is it of his?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (lying)
                                Uh . . . You see, he knows that when I'm pre-
                                menstrual I'm a bitch, so he's just checking to
                                see if I'm in a good mood.

                                                                 MOM
                                In my day we didn't keep our male friends inform-
                                ed of our menstrual cycles.  Strangely, it would
                                have been considered bad taste.

                                                                 KATE
                                Well, mom, the time's they are a-changin'.

Kate nods, then turns and sighs.  Almost caught.

INT. AARON'S HOUSE - DAY           27

Aaron's phone rings and his machine answers.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (recorded)
                                Aaron's not here, who's there?

Beep!
                                                                 KATE
                                                           (O.S.)
                                I'm ovulating.  Be there.  Tonight. Eight o'clock.
                                My place.

EXT. KATE'S HOUSE - NIGHT           28

Aaron arrives at Kate's house looking sharp, but nervous.  He looks at his watch: 7:57.  Perhaps a bit overeager.  He knocks and Kate answers the door.

INT. KATE'S HOUSE - NIGHT           29

He finds Kate in a nervous state of mind, pacing back and forth.  They hug and kiss in a perfunctory fashion.

                                                                 KATE
                                Would you like a cup of coffee?

                                                                 AARON
                                Sure, I'll have a cup of Joe.

Kate makes coffee with her new little espresso machine.  They both light cigarettes and proceed to get all cranked up.

                                                                 AARON
                                So, uh, you're ovulating, eh?

                                                                 KATE
                                Yes.  My body is presently an egg factory.  Maybe
                                we'll only have to do this once.

                                                                 AARON
                                Wouldn't that be a relief.  God forbid you should
                                have to have sex with me twice.

                                                                 KATE
                                Aaron, I don't know why you have to keep taking
                                this all so personally?

                                                                 AARON
                                Because it is personal, that's why.  I mean, the
                                idea of having sex with you completely intrigues
                                me, why doesn't it work the other way around?

Kate looks at him with one eyebrow raised.


                                                                 KATE
                                Aaron, after fifteen years, don't you think I'd know
                                it if I was in love with you?

                                                                 AARON
                                Who's talking about love?  I'm talking about sex.
                                Fucking.  Doin' it.  The Horizontal Bop.  Balling.
                                Hide the salami.  The old in-out.  Gettin' it wet.
                                The beast with two ba -

                                                                 KATE
                                - Enough, Mr. Writer, I get it.

                                                                 AARON
                                And, besides, what the hell is love, anyway?  I think
                                it's what you and I have, minus the fucking.  Passion
                                and compassion, Kate, remember?  Now, you wanna
                                get down to it?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (disgusted)
                                Oh, that's very romantic.  Could you put this whole
                                thing on a more basic level?

                                                                 AARON
                                Sure, you could say, "Give me some of your sperm?"
                                To me that's like saying, "I've started a snot collection,
                                can I have some of yours?"

                                                                 KATE
                                It is not.

                                                                 AARON
                                It is too.

                                                                 KATE
                                Then why are you here?

                                                                 AARON
                                To have sex with you.


                                                                 KATE
                                Why?

                                                                 AARON
                                'Cause I like you.

                                                                 KATE
                                I like my dog, but I don't have sex with her.

                                                                 AARON
                                Valid point.  Touche´.  You zinged me with your
                                rapier-like wit.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (persists)
                                You're waxing rhapsodically, but you still haven't
                                given me a reason.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (exasperated)
                                Why I want to have sex with you?  You're woman;
                                I'm man; that's what those kind of people do.  I look
                                at you and hormones are released into my blood stream
                                that chant in my ears, "Give her the high hard one!"
                                What can I say?

                                                                 KATE
                                So then it's purely physical?  It has nothing to do
                                with who I am.

                                                                 AARON
                                Except that I like you more than anyone else I know,
                                so why shouldn't we also be satisfying each other
                                physically?  It may lead to bigger and better things.

                                                                 KATE
                                And having babies?

                                                                 AARON
                                Sure, if that's what you'd like.


                                                                 KATE
                                If that's what I'd like?  We're talking about starting
                                a family, not deciding on a place to eat.

                                                                 AARON
                                I wasn't. I was talking about sex.  However, I
                                like kids; you like kids; we both make okay money.
                                What's the problem?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (intense)
                                Aaron, please, we're talking about the most serious
                                possible subject!  We've got to be sure!

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (shakes his head)
                                I don't know what makes you such an expert.  And
                                having a baby all by yourself is the solution?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (shrugs)
                                Maybe . . .

                                                                 AARON
                                OK, Kate, if you say so.  So, come on, let's go.

                                                                 KATE
                                Where?

                                                                 AARON
                                To the bedroom.  We've got some actual, non-
                                artificial insemination to get to.  So, tell me, how
                                do you want to do this?  Backward?  Forward?
                                Upside down?

Kate thinks for a second.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (furrows her brow)
                                Well, first of all, I'm in charge here, okay?


                                                                 AARON
                                                           (salutes)
                                Aye, aye, Captain.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (nods)
                                All right.  Now, firstly I don't think we should make
                                a big deal out of it.  And B.  The point isn't to satisfy
                                each other, it's to just do it and get it done with.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (smiles)
                                It may not be to satisfy you, but if it's my sperm
                                you're after, you'd best satisfy me.

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (nods)
                                Right.  Okay.  So it's up to me, then.

                                                                 AARON
                                Yeah.

                                                                 KATE
                                Okay.

                                                                 AARON
                                Uh-huh.

                                                                 KATE
                                Well . . . I don't think we need to go into the
                                bedroom.  We'll just do it here.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (shrugs)
                                Here's good.

                                                                 KATE
                                This should only take a minute, anyway.

                                                                 AARON
                                If you say so.  Do I get to use my hands?

                                                                 KATE
                                                           (she thinks, then
                                                           shakes her head)
                                No.  I'll do everything.

Aaron can't help it, he bursts out into his biggest shit-eating grin.

                                                                 AARON
                                Cool.

Kate stands up.

                                                                 KATE
                                I'll be back in a minute.

She goes into the bedroom and shuts the door.

Striking his silver Zippo, Aaron lights a cigarette.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (to himself)
                                Wow.  What next?

Kate returns wearing a shapeless, full-length, wool, nightgown.  Aaron's grin fades.

                                                                 AARON
                                Sexy.

                                                                 KATE
                                It doesn't have to be sexy, it just has to get you
                                off.

                                                                 AARON
                                You're awfully sure of yourself, aren't you?

She sits down beside him on the couch.

                                                                 KATE
                                Aaron, dear, do you really think that I've never
                                noticed the way look at me.  You never take your
                                eyes off my breasts or my butt.  You've always wanted
                                to reach out and touch them.  Touch them now.
                                                           (Kate takes hold of Aaron's
                                                           hand, and puts her other hand
                                                           on top of his.  She rubs it softly,
                                                           pushing it against her breast)
                                All you really, really want is to be inside of me,
                                right?  The two of us together, linked as one . . .

Aaron's nods dreamily.

Kate looks down, smiles, then reaches down and unzips Aaron's jeans.

Aaron's eyes open wide.

In one quick move, Kate is on top of Aaron, bumping and grinding.

In one more second Aaron's face screws into a knot and he comes.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (gasps)
                                Holy shit!

Before Aaron knows it, Kate is off him and on her way into the bedroom.

                                                                 KATE
                                I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

Kate enters the bedroom and shuts the door.

Aaron doesn't know what happened to him.  He breathes deeply, wiping his forehead.

                                                                 AARON
                                                           (frowning)
                                That wasn't anything like I expected

He stands, zips up, then stumbles unsteadily out of the house looking confused.

                                                                                                       DISSOLVE:

EXT. KATE'S HOUSE - NIGHT           30

The lights are on in the windows and the reggae music can be heard coming from within.

INT. KATE'S HOUSE - NIGHT           31

Kate sits on the floor petting Misty, and Aaron sits on the couch scratching Luna.  Neither Aaron nor Kate speaks, although they do throw occasional furtive glances in each other's direction, followed by confused expressions.  They both start speaking at exactly the same time, then simultaneously stop.

                                                                 KATE
                                Go ahead.

                                                                 AARON
                                No, you.

                                                                 KATE
                                That's okay, it wasn't important.

                                                                 AARON
                                Neither was what I had to say.

They both nod and don't say anything.  It's odd and uncomfortable.

                                                                                                       DISSOLVE:

 

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