|
EXT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
There is a sign draped across the front
of the building stating,"Just Opened!"
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Jay and Jen sit at a booth and neither one is talking. They have
neither water nor menus and Jay is looking around in annoyance.
JAY
What's
the Goddamn deal here? They opened the
restaurant
and forgot to hire waiters.
JENNIFER
Just
calm down, they'll get here.
JAY
I
really hate to be told to calm down. Don't tell
me
that.
JENNIFER
Look,
Jay, it's not working.
JAY
I
know.
JENNIFER
What
should we do?
JAY
We
could try throwing the silverware, that might
get
their attention.
JENNIFER
(angry)
Not
that, Goddamnit! I'm talking about our situation.
JAY
(rolls
his eyes)
What
situation?
(sighs)
All
right, I'm sorry, go ahead.
JENNIFER
Well
. . . A relationship is based on a lot of diff-
erent
things: attraction, trust, respect, shared
interests.
Other than screwing when we're drunk,
I'm
not sure that we have anything in common . . .
Jay's eyes have gone glassy like a dead fish.
INSIDE JAY'S HEAD . . .
EXT. THE NUREMBURG RALLY (STOCK SHOT)
- DAY
Six hundred thousand Nazis raise their hands in salute to Der Fuhrer.
Adolf Hitler stands at the podium smirking smugly from beneath the visor
of his cap. Heinrich Himmler, Joseph Goebbels, and Hermann Goering
all lurk nearby. The crowd's roar is deafening.
However, through the din we can begin
to hear Jen's voice.
JENNIFER
(O.S.)
.
. . And even though, theoretically, I'd actually kind
of
like it to work, I just don't think that it is . . .
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Jen is talking to a dazed-out Jay who isn't paying the slightest bit
of attention.
JENNIFER
.
. . Do you?
Jay snaps out of his reverie and focuses in on Jen.
JAY
(in
German)
Nein.
(back
to English)
I
mean, no. It isn't. Look, the only time you
loosen
up enough to have a good time is when
you're
drunk. I mean, you can't actually expect
me
to fall in love with someone who has to get
totally
shitfaced before she'll have sex with me,
do
you?
JENNIFER
(looking
around)
Say
it louder, there might be someone in the back
that
missed it.
A WAITER walks past and Jay grabs his sleeve.
JAY
Are
you our waiter?
WAITER
No,
sir. I'm not.
JAY
(pissed)
Then
get the Goddamn manager because I'm
furious!
WAITER
Yes,
sir.
The waiter scurries away.
JENNIFER
And
what do you think you're going to accom-
plish?
JAY
It's
a new restaurant, this is the time to make sug-
gestions.
The MANAGER, with short hair, glasses, a suit and tie, looking
down at a clipboard comes walking up to the table. He looks
up and it's Pete! His hair is cut off and he's clean shaven.
His expression is completely deadpan.
PETE
Yes?
JAY
(amazed)
Pete?
JENNIFER
(shocked)
Oh
my God.
PETE
(flatly)
Can
I help you?
Jay and Jen are dumbstruck.
JAY
What
happened to you?
JENNIFER
You
cut off your hair.
PETE
I
made a change. It was time. What's the problem?
JAY
Well,
we can't get any service.
PETE
We're
understaffed at the moment. We're in the
process
of hiring more people. I apologize for the
inconvenience.
I'll get your waiter for you right
away.
Enjoy your meal.
Pete walks away, his face expressionless, his eyes burning.
Jen and Jay look at each other in amazement.
JAY
I
can't believe it. He's like a whole nuther person.
Why
would he do that?
JENNIFER
Change
can be a good thing sometimes.
Jen looks straight at Jay.
EXT. JAY'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Jay's car sits in the driveway in front of the house.
INT. JAY'S CAR - NIGHT
Jay and Jen sit in the car facing straight ahead not talking.
Finally . . .
JENNIFER
I'm
leaving.
JAY
You
see, I'm right. The end is very clear.
JENNIFER
(nods)
Yeah,
in this case.
JAY
Where
will you go?
JENNIFER
I'll
stay with a friend for a while, then I'll get my
own
place.
JAY
(nods)
It
was bound to be.
JENNIFER
Why?
JAY
'Cause
you never wanted it to work. This was just
a
stop-over on your way from one place to another.
JENNIFER
What
about you? Did you want it to work?
JAY
(hesitates)
.
. . I don't know. I'm pretty used to being alone. I
kind
of like it. I'm not sure it's possible for me to
share
my life with anyone else anymore.
(looks
away)
I
don't seem to have any friends anymore, either.
JENNIFER
I'm
sorry about you and Pete. He didn't seem very
happy
to see us.
JAY
No,
he didn't.
(chuckles)
He
looks like he did when he was ten.
They both drop into silence, then they speak simultaneously.
JAY
& JENNIFER
Well
. . .
They both shrug, then laugh. They reach over and hug, then kiss.
The kiss goes on for an extended moment, then their lips part.
JAY
How
about a margarita?
(Jen
smiles, looking
doubtful)
I'll
tell you what, I'll just make them and if
you
want one you can have it, O.K.?
JENNIFER
If
they're there I'll drink them.
JAY
(grins
fiendishly)
I
know.
They get out of the car and go inside.
DISSOLVE:
INT. JAY'S KITCHEN - DAY
Jay takes a ream of three-hole punched paper out of a plastic bag.
He then takes a black, cardboard report cover, puts the metal binder
through the holes of the paper, attaches the front cover, bends the
metal bands and there it is: a book. He opens the front cover
revealing the title page -- "This Gun For Himmler"
by Jay Bennett. Jay shuts the cover and slides the book into a
manila envelope addressed to "Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing
Group, Inc., 666 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10103."
JAY
(to
himself)
She
better be right.
EXT. JAY'S HOUSE - DAY
Jay drives down the driveway and stops at the mailbox. He puts
the manila envelope into the mailbox, raises the red flag, looks up
to God, puts his hands together and says a quick prayer in Hebrew.
JAY
Baruch
atah adonai eluhaynu melech haolom . . .
SUPERIMPOSED SUBTITLE: "Our father who art in heaven, hallowed
be they name, please get my book published and have it become a best-seller."
JAY
.
. . Amen.
Jay gets back in his car and drives away.
EXT. WOODED COURT - DAY
The sun shines through the trees dappling the wooded court with radiant
beams. Jay's car drives around the circle and parks. He
shuts off his engine and all is quiet save the wind and the chirping
birds.
Jay sits there smoking a cigarette and thinking, the window open, the
smoke floating up into the sky. After a moment he takes out his
Best Buy cigarette pack and shakes out a joint. Jay looks north,
south, east and west, satisfies his paranoia, and lights the joint.
As he holds in the first big hit, Jay turns and looks at the empty passenger
seat. He takes another big hit and fantastically, Pete materializes
beside him and takes the joint.
PETE
.
. . You came and got me at my cabin and you led
me
up Voyager hill to another cabin, maybe your own,
I
don't know, and everyone inside was playing Monopoly
on
the floor. You had tons of firecrackers . . .
JAY
.
. . Yeah, I did. I always did . . .
PETE
.
. . And we lit the firecrackers and dropped them
through
a hole in the screen right onto the Monopoly
board
where they blew up and blew all the pieces and
the
money to hell! Remember?
JAY
(smile
fades)
.
. . No. I don't remember that.
PETE
(shocked)
What
do you mean? How could you not remember?
JAY
I
don't. I remember being at camp that summer, I kinda
sorta
remember you, but not really.
PETE
This
was a memorable and exciting day for me. It
stood
out. What do you mean, you don't remember
me?
We were friends.
JAY
Oh,
come on. You were a little kid. We older kids
didn't
hang around with you younger kids. It wouldn't
have
been cool.
PETE
You
hung around with me.
JAY
No
I didn't. We didn't become friends until a couple
of
years later, when I was in high school and you were
in
junior high.
PETE
No,
no, no. Totally wrong. We became friends . . .
Pete's voice and body fade away and disappear. The passenger
seat is empty.
Jay is left by himself smiling. After a while his smile fades.
He goes to hit the joint and it's out. Jay brings the lighter
up to the end of the roach and . . .
PETE
Boo!
Pete has popped up out of nowhere.
JAY
Holy
shit!
Jay screams like he's going to die. Pete, with his short hair
and no beard, starts to laugh, but backs away from the window just in
case. Pete and Jay look at each other without saying a word, assessing
each other motives. Finally, Pete reaches into his pocket, takes
out a five dollar bill and hands it to Jay.
PETE
Here.
I owe you this.
Jay takes the money.
JAY
Thanks.
They look right at each other for a
second, then Pete shrugs and walks away.
Jay sadly looks down at the five dollar bill in his hand. He sighs
and puts it in his pocket.
The passenger door opens and Pete gets in. Jay smiles and hands
him the roach. Pete waves it away.
PETE
I've
got another one.
JAY
Toast
it up.
Which Pete does. He takes a hit and passes it. Jay takes
a big hit and they both sit there in the smoky car holding it in.
They both exhale.
JAY
And
another thing . . . Women don't like the Three
Stooges.
PETE
No,
they don't. They think they're stupid.
JAY
And
they are, but that's the point.
PETE
Exactly.
Guess what?
JAY
What?
PETE
Guess
where Jen is?
JAY
Working
for the government?
PETE
No,
she moved to Australia with her old boyfriend,
Phil
McElwee.
JAY
Oh,
get out!
PETE
No,
it's true. They moved to Melbourne.
(pauses)
You
know, I really liked her. She was terrific.
JAY
(considers)
Fuck
her. She didn't know what she wanted.
PETE
Sure
she did. Phil McElwee.
JAY
Bullshit.
Just remember, all three of us are good
men,
he just has an accent.
PETE
Which
brings us to another thing . . .
(end
titles roll)
Women
are suckers for accents. You could have the
nicest
guy in the world over here, and the biggest asshole
in
the world with a British accent over there and women
will
always go for the guy with the accent.
JAY
Right.
And another thing . . .
They keep right on talking as we . . .
FADE OUT:
THE END
|
