Feb. 15, 1987

"Delirious"

By

Josh Becker
&
Scott Spiegel

INT. LUNCH ROOM - DAY

This is the lunch room of Wylie E. Groves High School and is presently full of students in a large study hall.  Some people are talking, some studying.  The teacher is discussing tennis with two jocks.

In the seat beside he back door sits GERRIT REINHARDT, a tall 18 year old with short trim hair and sharply creased pants.  He looks around anxiously, then ducks out the door.

INT. HALLWAY

Gerrit walks quickly up the empty hall, past cases and cases of sports trophies, to a door near the back of the school.  He peers in through the small window in the door.

IN. GYM - GERRIT'S POV

In the gym 50 girls practice gymnastics.  Gerrit scans the room, the balance beam, girls working out on the mats and stops on the uneven parallel bars where a beautiful lithe girl with long reddish blonde hair and wearing a tight sweaty gray leotard spins around with great dexterity.  She is ANN DEBENHAM and Gerrit stares only at her, transfixed.

Ann spots Gerrit, pauses in her routine and smiles at him and waves.  Gerrit smiles and waves back, then moves away from the window in embarrassment.

INT. HALLWAY

Gerrit turns from the window and there stands a pleasant, though exceedingly plain young lady with mildly thick glasses.  She is CHERYL.

                                                                 CHERYL
                                Hi, Gerrit.  What are you doing down here?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh... just passing by, what's going on?


                                                                 CHERYL
                                I'm having a party tonight, you wanna come?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                A party, huh?

He turns and looks back through the window.

INT. GYM

Ann sees him again and starts to walk over.

INT. HALLWAY

Gerrit begins panicking.

                                                                 CHERYL
                                I'd really like it if you'd come, and I really enjoyed
                                that book you lent me.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                It wasn't even mine, it was my parents.  Well, uh,
                                maybe I'll drop by, I don't know... I'll see you later,
                                Cheryl.

Gerrit starts to walk away slowly watching Cheryl to see her leave.

                                                                 CHERYL
                                See ya, Gerrit.

She doesn't seem to be leaving, so Gerrit turns and stops.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Uh-huh, yep, bye bye...

Cheryl takes one step away and then door opens, Ann pops her head out, sees Cheryl, then Gerrit.

                                                                 ANN
                                Oh, excuse me.

Ann pops her head back in and the door shuts.  Gerrit makes a move for the door, stops, looks at Cheryl and moans.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh...

                                                                 CHERYL
                                Who was that?

Gerrit shakes his head and walks away.

INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY

As Gerrit wanders up the hall, the bell rings and a million students engulf him.

Gerrit gets to his locker, does the combination and exchanges his books for some others.  Three lockers down is a burnout named BRETT BUDSON with long blond hair.  His locker is a mess, papers stick out of every crack.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Hey, dude, goin' to the X concert tonight?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Sure, dude, right after I shoot up some horse
                                and smoke some of the big M.  I'll fly there.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yeah, but I bet I have more fun this weekend than
                                you.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Yeah, well... You probably will.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Later, dude.

Budson leaves.  Gerrit shuts his locker, pauses for a moment of consideration, then takes off through the crowd.

INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY

Gerrit makes his way through the crowd and up to the side of Ann, whose hair is wet and pulled back.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Hi, Ann.

                                                                 ANN
                                Gerrit, what a surprise.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (baffled)
                                What do you mean, I always talk to you before
                                fourth hour.

                                                                 ANN
                                I was kidding.  I'll give you a break next time and
                                hold up my hand when I'm not serious.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                High School's almost over, Ann, this may well be
                                your last chance to go out with me.

                                                                 ANN
                                                           (smiling)
                                Well, I guess that'll just be my tough luck, now won't it.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (shaking his head)
                                I've been asking you to go out with me since seventh
                                grade, I'm beginning to get discouraged.  Six years of
                                rejection starts to get to you after a while.

                                                                 ANN
                                                           (smiling warmly)
                                Give up.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                There's only seven weeks left of school, it's too late
                                to give up.

                                                                 ANN
                                Okay, then don't.

Gerrit takes Ann's arm and stops her.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Look, now I'm being serious.  Why won't you even
                                consider it?

                                                                 ANN
                                I'd rather not go into it, okay?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                No, uh-uh, it's too late.  You have to tell me.

Ann pauses a moment to consider, then begins.

                                                                 ANN
                                Well... you're too dull.  Your hair's always the
                                same, your clothes are always the same, you
                                say the same things day in and day out, year
                                after year, you go out with drippy boring girls...

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (cutting in)
                                What, are you talking about Cheryl, the girl you
                                just saw me with?  I don't even know her...

At that very moment Cheryl happens by.

                                                                 CHERYL
                                Hi, Gerrit, see you at my party.

Ann looks at Gerrit and he is totally embarrassed.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Really, she just invited me to her dumb party.  I
                                don't really know her.

Cheryl reappears holding a book.

                                                                 CHERYL
                                Thanks for lending me the book, I really loved it.

Gerrit takes the book entirely at a loss for words and Cheryl leaves.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                It's my parents' book.

                                                                 ANN
                                It doesn't matter.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (getting defensive)
                                Well, hey, I've seen you go out with some real
                                winners over the years.  Tim Quill?  Eric Swanson??

It's now Ann's turn to get a little embarrassed.

                                                                 ANN
                                Yeah, but they're different.  They're not the
                                same dull drippy people every time.

Gerrit shakes his head in defeat.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Ann, you're driving me crazy.

                                                                 ANN
                                                           (smiling)
                                Good.

INT. YET ANOTHER HALLWAY

The amount of people in the halls has diminished considerably.  MR. BLACKWELL, the Principal, walks up the hall alert and ready for trouble.  He arrives at the Men's Room door and is just about to open it when a fight breaks out further down the hall.

                                                                 BLACKWELL
                                Hey!  Let's just knock that off right now!

Blackwell starts after the fighters and the bathroom door opens and a giant cloud of smoke billows out.  Three burnouts stagger out, amongst them Brett Budson.  They see Blackwell and quickly head in the other direction.

INT. HALLWAY WITH CLASSROOM

As Ann and Gerrit arrive at their next class they find the teacher, MR. MALL, a tall man with a black beard, standing in the doorway with his finger to his lips.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Shhhh...

                                                                 ANN
                                                           (whispering)
                                What is it?

Mr. Mall points into the classroom.

INT. CLASSROOM

In the far back corner seat near the window reposes a fellow with long stringy blond hair who is dead out asleep with his face on the desk.  He breathes slowly and regularly flapping the edge of the test sheet his face rests on.  He is JOHN QUADERER.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                                           (whispering)
                                We wouldn't want to wake Mr. Quaderer now,
                                would we?

The students file past all being informed to keep quiet.  Just as Mr. Mall is shutting the door Brett Budson arrives.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                                           (still whispering)
                                Very kind of you to make it, Mr. Budson.
                                Please take your seat.  The final exam is
                                worth fifty percent of your total grade for
                                the semester.  That means for some of
                                you a good grade is critical to passing
                                this class.

Mr. Mall hands a pile of test forms to the first person in each row.  They each take one and pass them back.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                You have as much time as you need.  There
                                will be no questions and no talking.  Any hint
                                of cheating and you've got an automatic F.
                                Please use a number two pencil and you can
                                begin at any time.

With a few coughs and the rattling of paper the test begins.  Gerrit reads the first question, poises his pencil over the test but makes no attempt to write anything.  He glances over at Ann and she's not writing either.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                No wandering eyes, if you please.

Three seats behind Gerrit sits Budson who is trying to communicate with the fellow in the row next to him without attracting the teacher's attention.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (whispering)
                                Matt...
                                                           (no response)
                                Matt...

Matt looks up annoyed and snaps loudly.

                                                                 MATT
                                WHAT?

Everyone in the class turns to look and Budson tries to shrink out of sight.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Something important you had to discuss with Matt,
                                Mr. Budson?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (small voice)
                                No, it can wait.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                That's fine.

A guy near the back wearing glasses looks down at the palm of his hand where the answers are written.  He writes an answer on the test, refers back to his hand.  Suddenly there is Mr. Mall looming over him crumbling up his test.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                That's an F on the final, Mr. Samara and you
                                can go to the bathroom and wash your hand.

Mr. Mall pulls up Samara's sleeve.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                And arm.

Samara slides up his pant leg.

                                                                 SAMARA
                                And leg.

Samara leaves and when he shuts the door the sound awakens the sleeping burnout in the corner.  He sits up and his test paper is stuck to his face.

                                                                 QUADERER
                                Wha--

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                                           (Smiling)
                                Good morning, Mr. Quaderer.  Would you care to
                                turn in your test now, or, if you'd like you can have
                                this class period to work on it, too.

                                                                 QUADERER
                                What day is it?

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                It's Friday, John.

                                                                 QUADERER
                                                           (grins)
                                Cool.

John Quaderer comes forward and hands in his test and starts to leave.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Excuse me, could you put your last name on it,
                                too.  I have a number of Johns in my classes.

Quaderer puts his last name on the test and leaves.  Mr. Mall holds John Quaderer's test out to his side.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Let me file this.

He drops it in the trash can.

A creepy egghead in the front row picks up his books and hands in his test.

                                                                 EGGHEAD
                                I thought you said this was supposed to be difficult.

The class looks up at the creepy Egghead with deep hatred on their faces.

                                                                 SOMEONE
                                He's gonna ruin the curve.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Quiet if you please.

CLOSE UP - CLOCK

The hands travel around from 11:15 to 12:05.

INT. CLASSROOM

One student after another hands in their tests and leaves.  Finally, all that remain are Gerrit, Ann and Budson.  All three appear to be having difficulty with the exam.

Mr. Mall sits at his desk eating his lunch from a bag.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                No need to rush.  You can take the whole lunch
                                hour if you'd like.

All three students dislike being treated like idiots.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                The three of you are not doing all that well in this
                                class.  I haven't tallied the grades yet, but I'd say
                                all of you are in bad shape if you don't pass this
                                final.

The three slackers attempt to work on through the teacher's harangue.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                The three of you are so lazy and apathetic that
                                you couldn't even dredge up the effort to cheat.

He shakes his head in disgust and goes back to his tuna sandwich.

Budson smells the food and his stomach begins to growl.  That's it for him.  He stands and suddenly Ann and Gerrit stand too and they all hand in their tests.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                See you in summer school.

INT. HALLWAY WITH CLASSROOM

When Ann, Gerrit and Budson get out into the hall they are pissed off.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Maybe if he'd shut the fuck up I could get an
                                answer.

                                                                 ANN
                                Really!  And I'm supposed to go away this summer.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Summer school sounds horrifying.

They stand in silence contemplating the dismal future.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Well, at least X is playing in Ann Arbor this weekend.

                                                                 ANN
                                Oh, really?  I wish I had tickets.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Me, too.  I'm gonna go anyway and get 'em there.

Ann turns to Gerrit.

                                                                 ANN
                                What about you, Reinhardt, you going to see X?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Smiling)
                                X is a band, right?  No, I wasn't planning on it.

                                                                 ANN
                                                           (Maliciously)
                                Have you ever been to a rock concert?

Gerrit looks from Budson to Ann and puts his hands in his pockets.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Come on, you've got to have been to a concert,
                                dude, this is the 80's.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Just cool out, I've been to a rock concert.  Gimme
                                a break.

Ann shoves her face directly into Gerrit's..

                                                                 ANN
                                Which one?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Which one?  My parents and I saw Anne Murray
                                at Pine Knob a couple of years ago.

Budson and Ann look at each other and burst out laughing and both say at the same time.

                                                                 BOTH
                                Anne Murray

                                                                 BUDSON
                                This isn't the 1880's.

                                                                 ANN
                                Face it, Reinhardt, you're a loser.

She walks away still laughing.

Gerrit shakes his head and blinks.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I can't believe how unbelievably cruel she is to
                                me.  I've had a crush on her for six years and
                                she won't even give me a chance.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                I went out with her.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (In total shock)
                                What?  She went out with you?  I'm gonna shoot
                                myself.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Thanks a lot, that was really nice.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Sorry.  I didn't mean it that way.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                That's all right.  Just chill out, smoke a joint.

This is a novel idea.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                A joint... ?  You mean of Marijuana?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                No, a joint of heroin.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                All right, let's smoke one.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Cool.  You got any?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Me?  No, don't you?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Uh-uh, I'm all out.  I know where you could get
                                some though.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Okay.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Let's do it.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY

Gerrit and Budson drive up the sunny suburban street in Gerrit's black '66 mustang.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Great car dude.  You're not a total loser.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Hey thanks.  So ah, what's this guy, like a
                                dope dealer or something?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yeah, a dope dealer.  Haven't you ever bought
                                any dope before?"

                                                                 GERRIT
                                No, but I've smoked it a couple of times and
                                nothing's happened.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Amazed)
                                Man, how did we grow up three blocks from one
                                another?  It's like we're from different planets.

Gerrit's mind has wandered.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Ann went out with you?  I'm goin' crazy.

Budson points up ahead.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                The guy lives up around that curve.

EXT. DEALER'S HOUSE - DAY

The mustang comes around the curve and comes upon four police cars with their flashers on.  Gerrit panics.


                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh, shit!

He slams it into reverse.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Don't panic, man, we didn't do anything.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Yeah, but we intended to.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Go back, it might not be him.  It could be the
                                guy next door.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What kind of neighborhood is this?

They slowly cruise past the house with police cars as the cops are bringing a guy out.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                That's him, the poor sonuvabitch.  It's okay
                                though I know another guy.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Well, maybe we should just forget it.  I mean,
                                who really cares anyway?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                I can see why Ann's been turnin' you down for
                                six years, you're a bore.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Now I'm a bore?  I've been called everything in
                                the damn book today: dull, stupid, boring.  Maybe
                                I should find a hole somewhere and climb into it.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Dude, you gotta climb out of it, not into it.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Relenting)
                                All right.  Okay.  Let's go see this buddy of yours.
                                Where does he live?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Ann Arbor.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Ann Arbor?  That's 25 miles away.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Then forget it.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                All right, Ann Arbor it is.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

It's a warm sunny spring day on a woodsy stretch of I-275.  Gerrit drives along at the speed limit and Budson goes through his wallet.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                How much money you got?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I don't know, thirty or forty dollars.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                That's cool, we can get something decent for
                                that.  I wish I had some bucks.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Get a job.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Whoa, dude!  Be cool.  I don't want money that
                                much.  How long have you been working at Willy
                                Lake Market?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                About six years.  I'm assistant manager.

Budson finds something in his wallet.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Oh, wow, I forgot I had this.

He takes out a flattened half a joint.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                A buddy of mine at college in Florida sent me
                                this.

Gerrit watches as Budson takes out his key ring (Which is a bottle opener), isolates a single key which is in fact a roach clip, affixes the joint to it and lights it up.  He takes a puff, coughs and hands the key ring to Gerrit who awkwardly takes it.  He brings it to his lips, inhales, glances to his left out the window and sees an OLDER COUPLE in a big Buick directly along side of him looking right at him and sneering.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh, shit.

Gerrit lowers the roach between his legs and slows down.

The sneering older couple look away in disgust, pull ahead and the woman brings a big green plastic bong up to her mouth, takes a big hit and passes it to her husband.  They speed up and disappear.

Gerrit and Budson are a bit surprised at the sight of this and go back to their roach.  Budson takes another hit, passes it to Gerrit, who takes a hit, goes to pass it back and there's nothing on the end of the key clip.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Huh, I wonder where...

He quickly realizes his crotch is burning and the car begins swerving from lane to lane.

Budson pulls a cassette tape from his pocket.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Mind if I put on a tape?

                                                                 GARRIT
                                No, go right ahead.

Budson puts on a tape of the band X.  They are very loud heavy metal.  Gerrit winces.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Could you turn it down?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Whatsa matter, don't you like it?

                                                                 GARRIT
                                Well, it's okay.  I'd rather listen to my own music.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Oh yeah, what have you got?

Gerrit points at the glove box.

                                                                 GARRIT
                                Put on some Ozzie.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Ozzie?  Sure, that's cool.

He opens the glove box, reaches in and pulls out "Ozzie Nelson's Greatest Hits."  Budson looks at Gerrit with real pity in his eyes.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Dude.

INT. MAIN OFFICE OF WYLIE E. GROVES HIGH SCHOOL

School is still in session and Mr. Mall enters the office with the pile of test papers in his hand.  He speaks to a guidance counselor who is in her mid-fifties, wears a full length black dress and looks like VAMPIRA.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                There's going to be a big turn out for summer
                                school this year.  The students this year are
                                worse than I've ever seen in my ten years of
                                teaching.

                                                                 VAMPIRA
                                Well, if you'd been around as long as me then
                                you'd know that they are a major improvement
                                over the students of the late 60's and early '70s.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Hey, that's when I was in High School.

                                                                 VAMPIRA
                                Yes, well, you'll excuse me...

The secretary behind the counter holds up the telephone receiver.

                                                                 SECRETARY
                                Mr. Mall, there's a call for you.  Your wife.

Mall looks around the office which is filled with kids and counselors and sundry others.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                I'll take it in there.

He goes over to a little room with glass walls and P.A. equipment and takes his call after shutting the door.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Hello dear.

INT. KITCHEN OF THE MALL RESIDENCE

CYNTHIA MALL, a good-looking lady in her mid-thirties, attired in a conservative gray business outfit, sits at the kitchen table.  Out the window behind her a clock tower is visible.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                Jim, make sure to get home early today, we
                                have a lot of things to do.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Things to do?  What things to do?

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                No, and I'm pretty busy so could you spare me
                                the dramatics and get to it.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                You prick!  I'm not one of your students, don't talk
                                to me like I'm seventeen!

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Excuse me, I'm sorry.  Now what things do I have
                                to do?

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                Well, you have to get ice and liquor, amongst other
                                things, does that give you a clue?

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                We're having a party... for our anniversary, right?

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                You've won the grand prize.  And if you stretch your
                                memory you'll recall that my boss and his wife are
                                invited, so this means quite a lot to me and I'd be
                                very pleased if you don't blow it off.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Can we not get into this now.  I've got finals to deal
                                with.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                                           (Derisively)
                                Finals.  That's been your excuse to do nothing for the
                                past two weeks.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Cynthia, you are succeeding in making me very
                                angry.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                That's fine, maybe you'll remember what I'm saying
                                to you.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Oh, Goddamn it anyway!

Mr. Mall slams his pile of finals down next to the P.A. equipment, right on the key for the microphone.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                I'm leaving for the caterer at 5:00 whether you're
                                here or not.

INT. SWIMMING POOL

Ten swimmers are on their marks and ready to go.  The coach stands with a stop watch and blank gun.  Mr. Mall's voice comes through the speakers on the wall.

                                                                 MR. MALL (O.S.)
                                Then go!

The swimmers all dive into the water.  The coach looks quizzically at his unfired gun and stopped stop watch.

INT. HALLWAY

A multitude of students stand looking up and listening to Mr. Mall's voice emanating from the speakers.

                                                                 MR. MALL (O.S.)
                                I have to get these finals graded and it's not an
                                excuse to not have sex with you.

INT. P.A. ROOM IN OFFICE

Mr. Mall picks up his stack of finals, in turn shutting off the microphone.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                I'll see you at 5:00.  Good bye.

He hangs up.

EXT. ANN ARBOR - DAY

Gerrit and Budson drive around the quaint town of Ann Arbor, past many buildings making up the campus of University of Michigan.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                So where does this guy live?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                He used to live in a dorm, but I heard he moved.

                                                                 GARRIT
                                Yeah, so?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                So we're gonna have to find him.

                                                                 GARRIT
                                Have you go any clues?

They are just passing a football field where guys in pads and uniforms are practicing.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yeah, stop here.  He's a football player.

                                                                 GARRIT
                                He's a football player dope dealer?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yeah.  Helluva partier.

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD

They park the car and head over to the field.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                His name's Tim Chudnow, he's a big dude.
                                You ask those guys over there, I'll ask these
                                guys over here.

As they split up and head to different sides of the field, a player holding the football breaks away and runs for a touchdown.  Unfortunately, about eight big guys on the other team catch up and totally cream him.  When they've peeled everyone off of him the football player is completely dazed and has to be taken out of the game.

Gerrit tries to ask the coach.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Excuse me, do you know a guy by the name...

The Coach ignores him.

                                                                 COACH
                                                           (Walking away)
                                Let's get it moving out there!

Gerrit shrugs and steps up to the dazed football player that just got creamed.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                You know a guy named Tim Chudnow?

                                                                 DAZED FOOTBALL PLAYER
                                I'm in now?

He runs back into the game and immediately gets creamed again.

Gerrit covers his eyes.

Budson, on the other side of the field, is having even less luck.  He asks a particularly huge player who is trying to pay attention to the game.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Do you know--?

                                                                 HUGE PLAYER
                                Huh?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Tim Chudnow?

There is no answer so Budson tries a different approach.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Uh, Dope?

                                                                 HUGE PLAYER
                                What?  Don't call me a dope!

He punches Budson in the nose.

On the other side of the field, Gerrit spots a really big black football player with the biggest muscles he has ever seen.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Politely)
                                Excuse me, you don't happen to know a fellow
                                named Tim Chudnow, do you?

                                                                 CHUDNOW
                                I'm Tim Chudnow.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh really, well Brett Budson--

                                                                 CHUDNOW
                                                           (Very annoyed)
                                --That little creep!  Are you friends with him?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Me?  No, I hardly know him.

                                                                 CHUDNOW
                                Well, he owes me fifty bucks and if you see
                                him you tell him I'm gonna kill him!

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I'd be happy to, and it was really good meeting
                                you.

Gerrit quickly walks away.

Budson and Gerrit rendezvous near the car.  Budson is holding his nose.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                I can't believe that guy hit me.

Gerrit takes Budson's arm and leads him to the car.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                If we don't get outta here you could be in a lot
                                worse trouble.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                What'ya mean?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I saw Tim Chudnow and he says you owe him
                                fifty bucks and he's gonna kill you.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                I can't believe he still remembers that.


                                                                 GERRIT
                                He does.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Maybe we can find someone selling in the diag.

He points to a large open area between classroom buildings across the street.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Keep your eyes open for someone who looks cool.

EXT. DIAG - DAY

They walk over to the diag and scrutinize the passersby.  There seems to be an overabundance of elderly ladies and gentlemen sauntering past, some with the aid of canes and walkers.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Not exactly what I'd call a hip crowd.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Chill out, dude, there's somebody.

He points out a black fellow wearing a loud paisley shirt walking alone.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What makes that guy cool?  Being black or being
                                under sixty?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Pretty funny, Reinhardt, watch this.

Budson approaches the guy.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Excuse me, you know where we can score some
                                pot?

The black guy stops, looks Budson over, then looks to Gerrit.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Sure.  How much you got?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Smiles)
                                Thirty.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                You got a car?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Sure.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                All right, come on.

Budson turns to Gerrit.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                We've scored.

The football scoreboard lights up, a huge crowd roars, hats fly past.

EXT. ANN ARBOR - DAY

The mustang drives past campus to downtown Ann Arbor, where the streets become narrow and one way.  They turn left down another.  Then left, then right.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Right here.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

They stop in front of a nondescript brick apartment building.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                This friend of mine, he doesn't like to meet new
                                people, you understand.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Oh, sure.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                So you just gimme the money and I'll be right back.

Gerrit looks from Budson to Paisley Shirt who smiles reassuringly, then shrugs, goes into his wallet and removes thirty dollars, leaving himself three ones, and hands it over.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Okay you just wait here, I'll be right back.

He gets out of the car and they watch him go inside.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                So, uh... what did you and Ann do when you
                                went out?

Budson gives him a sidelong look.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                What'dya mean "do"?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Well, did you go to a movie, or a party, or what?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                We went and played video games, why?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Appalled)
                                Video games?  Oh God, what a loser thing to do.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Defensive)
                                Hey, dude, she won't even go out with you.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I know, but video games?  Jesusl

                                                                 BUDSON
                                She gives good head.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What?!!

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Laughing maliciously)
                                Just kidding.

Gerrit glances over at the apartment building.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What's taking so long?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Oh, they probably have to break it up and weigh
                                it and shit like that...

They both look at the building for a long silent moment, then look at each other and speak simultaneously.

                                                                 BOTH
                                Oh, shit!

They run to the front door of the building, which is open, and go inside.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING

They run up the hallway following it to the end; an illuminated sign reading "Exit" above a door.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Outraged)
                                No ...uh-uh, no fuckin' way!

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Should we knock on some doors?

There are twenty doors.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Maybe we should just wait a while longer.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING

A cigarette butt drops into a pile of four others on the street.  Budson sits in the mustang and blows out the smoke.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                We're fucked.  We've been ripped off.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I've been ripped off.  You just arranged it and
                                came along for the ride.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                You're the one that wanted some pot, I was just
                                doin' you a favor.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Thanks!

Gerrit starts the car and pulls away from the curb.

INT. CAR

Budson turns to Gerrit.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Where are you goin'?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Home.  Where else?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Come on, let's party.  It's Friday night, besides,
                                X is playing tonight.  Maybe we can score some
                                tickets.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Have you got any money?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                No.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Yeah, well I've got three bucks and I need gas,
                                so let's just go.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Amazed)
                                But then what are we gonna do tonight?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Very serious)
                                I don't know about you, Budson, but I'm gonna get
                                a little shuteye 'cause I've got a lot of studying to do
                                and I work on Sunday.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Dude, you're a drag.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                No, you're a drag.

They drive along in silence, pissed off.

EXT. FREEWAY

Up ahead, near the entrance ramp to the freeway, is a hitch hiker.  As they approach they both look more closely and suddenly the guy starts to run.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                It's him!

Gerrit guns it, catches up to the guy in the paisley shirt and cuts in front of him.  Budson and Gerrit are both immediately out of the car and after him.  Gerrit's there first and tackles the guy, bringing him down onto the gravel shoulder on his face.  A second later Budson is also there and the two of them grab the guy and turn him around.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Yelling)
                                Gimme my money!

Budson waves his fist in the guy's face.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Hand it over!

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Wait, I ain't got it.  I spen' it.

Gerrit turns to Budson.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                He spent my money.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                I'm really sorry about what I did to you guys.  Really.

Gerrit twists the guy's collar.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                So what did you do with the money?  Did you buy
                                pot?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Uh, no, I didn't.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out two tickets.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                I bought these.

Budson's eyes light up.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Oh wow!  Are those tickets for the X concert?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                No, they're tickets for the O'Jays concert tonight.

It's like someone kicked Budson in he stomach.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                The O'Jays, oh man...

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                What?  The O'Jays are good, and these are front
                                row seats.  You'll have a great time.

Gerrit looks at Budson in disbelief.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                The O'Jays?

EXT. CONCERT HALL - NIGHT

The billboard says, "The O'Jays, Tonight, 8.00 p.m."

INT. CONCERT HALL

Budson and Gerrit enter the arena and come to a very quick realization -- they are the only white people amongst many thousands of blacks.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Nodding his head)
                                We're going to be killed.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Just act natural.  Maybe no one will notice us.

The crowd parts to make way for them, many people looking at them like they are alien creatures.

They take their seats in the front row and the people to either side of them sort of slide away as far as they can in their seats.  Gerrit and Budson both slump down trying to become invisible.

A joint is being passed to Budson's right, it gets as far as the guy next to him, then heads back in the other direction.  He hears one of the black people say, as he gets the joint, "Aw, man, it's all wet.  You whitey lipped it."  Gerrit overhears a conversation beside him that he can understand none of.

Somebody sits in the empty seat beside Gerrit and he and Budson both realize it's the guy in the paisley shirt who ripped them off.

Gerrit points at him.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                You!

                                                                 BUDSON
                                How did you get a ticket?

He points at his wrist.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                I pawned my watch.  I just had to see this concert,
                                these guys are my buddies.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (With a snort)
                                Yeah, sure they are.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                They are.  No shit.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yeah, well I'd rather have the dope or the thirty
                                dollars, that's for sure.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Be cool, my man.  The O'Jays are the best.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                We may as well make the best of it.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yeah, right.

THE STAGE

The O'Jays are on stage performing.

                                                                 THE O'JAYS
                                                           (Singing)
                                Money, money, money, money... Money!

The crowd is digging it -- dancing, boogying, getting down.  Unable to stop themselves Gerrit and Budson are getting down, too.  Gerrit turns to the guy in the paisley shirt.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Hey, what's your name?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Fred.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Great show, Fred.  I'm Gerrit, that's Budson.

Fred and Gerrit shake hands.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Nice to meet you guys.  Say, you wanna come
                                backstage and party with the O'Jays after the
                                concert?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Sure.
                                                           (Turning to Budson)
                                What do you say?

Budson whispers in Gerrit's his ear.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                This guy's so full of shit he's gonna explode.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What'dya mean?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                                           (Sarcastically)
                                Backstage and party with the O'Jays.  Gimme a break!
                                This dude was hitch hiking when we found him, and
                                that was after ripping us off.  He's just a liar and a
                                cheat and a swindler.  Besides, look at that shirt he's
                                wearing, he's a total loser.

Suddenly the lead singer of the O'Jays reaches out and grabs Fred's hand and pulls him up on the stage where he dances with them.  They then grab a drunken big breasted girl in a halter top, some other people, then Gerrit and Budson.  The singers lead them in a circle around the stage in a soul train.  As they go around the back of the stage, behind the drums, the drunk chick with big tits is boogying too hard, loses her balance and goes head first into the drum set knocking it all over.

INT. BACKSTAGE

After the concert, backstage, Gerrit, Budson, and Fred party with the O'Jays.  They're all drinking and laughing and one of the singers starts laying out lines of coke on a small mirror.  The singer asks the drummer for a bill and gets a $100 which he rolls up to snort with.  Gerrit watches intently.

Meanwhile, Fred seems to know everyone.  He is talking to a STAGEHAND and Budson is overhearing.

                                                                 STAGEHAND
                                So, did you give away those free tickets like I
                                axed you?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Yeah, all thirty of 'em.

                                                                 STAGEHAND
                                Okay, I'll give you more next time, but one thing,
                                Lamont, don't you rip me off or I'll get you.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Sure, sure, no problem.  Just be cool my friend.

Budson goes over to Gerrit, grabs his shoulder and pulls him over to one side.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Fred, who is really named Lamont, didn't buy
                                these tickets with our money, he got 'em for free.
                                Come on.

They go over and confront Fred.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Lamont, oh, Lamont, what did you do with our $30?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                What do you mean?  I bought the tickets.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Well I just heard that stagehand say he gave you
                                thirty free tickets.  What 'dya say to that?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What about it, Fred?

Fred looks down ashamed.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                No, it's Lamont.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Where's my money?


                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Well, uh, I spent it.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                On what?

Lamont reaches into his pocket and removes a small wrapped box.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                These earrings.  There for my girlfriend, but
                                you can have them.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Earrings?  What the hell am I supposed to do
                                with earrings?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                You don't have to take 'em.

Budson grabs them.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Hell take 'em.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                                           (Rationally)
                                Now I hope we've worked this whole thing out
                                and there's no hard feelings.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Well...

                                                                 BUDSON
                                I'm not so sure...

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                They're nice earrings, really.

Budson and Gerrit walk away.  They sit down at the table with the O'Jays.  The guitarist leans down to the mirror and snorts a line, then hands it to the keyboard player, who also does a line and hands it to Budson, who snorts two lines and hands it to Gerrit, who drops the whole thing scattering the coke beyond redemption.  The big drummer and bass player who were to be next look on angrily.  Budson gets up and walks away.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Good work, slick.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                                           (Deeply embarrassed)
                                I'm sorry, I've never done this before.

The singer cuts some more lines.

Budson goes around the corner and sees a beautiful woman enter the backstage door, cross toward the stage, and there's Fred/Lamont, who hugs and kisses her.

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Hey, baby, you lookin' good.

                                                                 BABY
                                I know.  You got that surprise you promised me?
                                Is it the earrings we were looking at?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                Well yeah, it was, but they got ripped off.

                                                                 BABY
                                                           (Shocked)
                                What?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                I bought 'em and these white guys must've seen me
                                come out of the store and they jumped me and took
                                'em, and my money, and my tickets.  But it's okay, I'll
                                take you out to dinner.

                                                                 BABY
                                I thought you just said that you're money got stolen?

                                                                 PAISLEY SHIRT
                                It did, but I pulled a deal since then and made some -
                                thirty dollars.  Come on, let's go.

                                                                 BABY
                                Okay, Leon.

The good-looking babe and Fred/Lamont/Leon start to leave.

Budson's about to go after him when Gerrit arrives at his side looking back over his shoulder.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I think those fellows would like me to leave.

Budson looks over and the O'Jays are all sneering back, coke all over the table and the mirror is broken.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                That's seven years bad luck, and Fred still has
                                our money.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                You mean Lamont.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                No, now it's Leon and he still has our money and
                                he just split.

They exit the concert hall.

EXT. BACKSTAGE ALLEY - NIGHT

They head out the stage door and there is no sign of them, just limousines in a row.  A chauffeur steps out of one and opens the back door as they walk past.  They stop, look at the driver, look at each other and get in.  He shuts the door and gets into the driver's seat and starts to pull out.  He opens the divider.

                                                                 CHAUFFEUR
                                The hotel, gentlemen?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Yes, of course, the hotel.

The divider shuts.

They look around: television, stereo, telephone, carpeting everywhere.  Budson pushes a button and a bar comes rising up like a Dean Martin movie.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Let's party wildly!

Gerrit picks up the phone.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                I'd better call home.

Which he does.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                What are you drinkin', dude?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Hello, mom?  It's Gerrit.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Vodka?

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Will you shut up... No, not you mom, uh... is it
                                okay if I spend the night over at Brett Budson's
                                house?

Budson makes them each giant drinks.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Uh-uh, yeah, the Budsons, right, up the street... No,
                                I haven't forgotten about work.  That's Sunday, I'll be
                                there, okay.  See you later.  Bye bye.

He hangs up.  Gerrit suddenly realizes that he has the $100 bill of the O'Jays.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh my God, how did I get this?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                It's your lucky day today, dude, now you can
                                stop crabbing about your thirty bucks.  Uh, hand
                                me the phone.

Gerrit gives Budson the phone.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Who're you calling?

He starts to dial.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                A buddy of mine I haven't talked to in a while.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh, really, where does he live?

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Switzerland...
                                                           (Someone answers)
                                Oh, hello, operator, do you speak English...?

The limo drives off into the night.

EXT. BACKSTAGE ALLEY - NIGHT

The lead singers of the O'Jays come out the stage door, the man holds open the limo door and they drive away.  The guitarist and the keyboard player come out, step into a limo and leave.  The bass player and drummer come out and there's no limos left.

                                                                 DRUMMER
                                                           (Bellowing)
                                Where's our limo?!!

                                                                 STAGEHAND
                                Oh, two white kids just took it.

INT. THE MALL RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Jim and Cynthia Mall are busy moving the furniture.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                This party means a lot to me.  I don't know why
                                you're so resentful of the whole thing.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                It's 11:00 and we're moving furniture and I have
                                100 finals to grade, why should I be resentful?

She stops and makes a fist.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                Sometimes... Bang zoom to the moon.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Just because you don't take my job seriously
                                doesn't mean I'm not going to.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                For what they pay you it doesn't deserve to be
                                taken seriously.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                                           (Offended)
                                You've changed.  When we met you were a
                                different person.  You used to care about people,
                                now all you give a damn about is money.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                That's because we have so little of it.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                We've got more than a lot of people.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                No thanks to you.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                Goddamn it anyway, I bring in half the money
                                around here!

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                No, not half.  More like a third.

                                                                 MR. MALL

                                You bitch!  I used to love you.  Or at least the girl
                                I met at the hash bash ten years ago, but I'm not
                                so sure that's you.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                You live in a fantasy world in the past.  This isn't
                                the 70's anymore, Jim, grow up.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                You had a pony tail and a knapsack with all your
                                books in it and you were the cutest thing I'd ever
                                seen.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                Don't start with that crap now.  We're busy.

Mr. Mall drops onto the couch.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                You're busy.  I'm at the hash bash ten years ago.
                                I can see a girl in a buck skin dress that cared
                                about everyone.  You've haven't told me that you
                                love me once in ten years.

Cynthia stomps into the kitchen.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                I don't like to repeat myself.  Look, be here now,
                                and don't mess this party up.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                What do you think I'm going to do to embarrass
                                you?  Wear my pajamas to dinner.

                                                                 CYNTHIA
                                Just don't talk about school, or kids, or the hash
                                bash, or anything like that.  Pretend to be intelligent.

He waves his fist.

                                                                 MR. MALL
                                One of these days...

EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT

A man in uniform opens the limo door at the hotel.  Budson turns to him.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                What room are we in?

                                                                 DOORMAN
                                I don't know, sir, you'll have to check at the front
                                desk.  I know you're on the tenth floor.

                                                                 BUDSON
                                Thank you.

Budson and Gerrit enter the hotel.  They wander for a moment aimlessly.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                What are we doing here?  The O'Jays don't
                                even like me.

At which point the limousines pull up and let off the O'Jays.  Behind them a taxi cab pulls up and lets off the drummer and bass player.

                                                                 GERRIT
                                Oh shit, it's them!

They dash into the elevator and push ten.  As the O'Jays start over to the elevator the door finally shuts and they go up.

 

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