He hands the stick back to Oo-Pongo, who now begins drawing the shapely curves of a female form.

                                                            OO-PONGO
                                                (grunting)
                                    —Her, Her!  Ta-Tas!  Ta-Tas!!

 

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                                (cuffing Oo-Pongo on the head)
                                    Hey, watch it, there’s a lady present, you
                                    dirty little—

                                                            IRIS
                                                (she gets it)
                                    —Her-Who-Lives-Forever?

Oo-Pongo nods his head vigorously and draws a crude stick figure with a spear poking the female form.  He pantomimes a caveman jabbing her with a spear, and then draws a line from the female form to the top of the volcano image.  Again he pantomimes a caveman poking with spear, this time followed by his impression of a girl being thrown in, then he points at the volcano image again making a line into it’s mouth.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Oh good lord!  I think Her has been
                                    captured, and whoever has her intends
                                    to throw her into the volcano.  It’s probably
                                    some primitive ritual designed to appease
                                    their heathen Gods.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Well it’s time we taught those toad-sucking
                                    primitives how to treat a lady. Von Schmutz,
                                    can we count on your help?

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Ja, sure, what the hell, right?

EXT. JUNGLE – DAY

Challenger, with his big rifle held in front, and the safari behind, whack their way with machetes through the dense jungle, toward the smoking volcano.  We follow along beside the line of people with a vista and the volcano behind them.

 

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Be extra careful, everyone, and for God’s
                                    sake keep your heads down, this is a
                                    traveling matte.

EXT. VOLCANO’S RIM/ PLATFORM – DAY

At the top of the volcano, a bamboo walkway leads up along the inside rim to a large ceremonial platform, which extends out over the volcano’s mouth.  Her is flailing and squirming as the cavemen carry her up to the platform.  The gag in Her mouth comes off.  She attempts to communicate with the Rock people.

                                                            HER
                                    I don’t know what your language is. 
                                    Uh . . .  Yabba-Dabba-do?
                                                (no response)
                                    Do be do be do?
                                                (no response)
                                    Abodie-O-doh?
                                                (nothing)
                                    Look, you’re all my children, everyone
                                    on the island is, even the dinosaurs.  I’m
                                    your queen, and the one thing you don’t
                                    ever want to do is anger me.  That would
                                    not only be bad for you, but for everyone,
                                    see?  So, I’ll just close my eyes . . .
                                                (she closes her eyes)
                                    . . . And when I open them, you’ll untie
                                    me.  Okay, I’m going to open my eyes
                                    now.  One, two, three . . .

She opens her eyes, but no one is untying her.
                                   
Meanwhile, more and more Rock people crowd up onto the platform as the ceremony begins.  They all start chanting “Wimoweh” and dance around the pole with Her at the center.  The entire platform doesn’t seem safe, and sways ominously, and the twine holding it all together creaks.

Four cavemen dressed as dinosaurs take hold of the thrashing flailing Her and take her to the edge of the volcano. 

                                                            HER
                                    I could still forgive all of you and we
                                    could just forget that any of this ever
                                    happened, what do you say?  Uh . . .
                                                (tries to speak in their tongue)
                                    Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah Ding-dang Walla-
                                    walla bing-bang?

EXT. BASE OF VOLCANO – DAY

Challenger, Iris, Junior, Oo-Pongo and the others arrive at the base of the volcano.  They all look up and see the ritual on the platform, and Her being held at the edge.  Challenger raises his rifle and takes aim.  Iris reaches out and tries to lower the rifle’s barrel.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Challenger, what are you doing?

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    You got a better idea?

                                                            IRIS
                                    Talk to them, negotiate with them.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    I’m tired of negotiating.

                                                            IRIS
                                                (incredulous)
                                    Who have you ever negotiated with?

Challenger points in her face.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    With you, and I don’t like it.

                                                            IRIS
                                    But you said you weren’t going to kill
                                    anymore.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    I’m not going to kill anyone, I’m just
                                    going to ruin their party.

Challenger raises his rifle, takes aim and fires several times.  The .50 caliber weapon goes off like a canon.

Big bullets hit the struts in the corners of the bamboo and twine platform causing the twine to snap.  Bamboo slats roll into the volcano as the platform unravels and begins to collapse.  The four guys holding Her all lose their footing, drop Her on the platform and the four dinosaur-clad cavemen fall screaming into the volcano, disappearing in bursts of flame.

Challenger, Iris and the others see this and wince.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Oops.

Meanwhile, the entire platform is falling to pieces and many other cave people lose their balance and fall into the volcano.  Still bound, Her rolls in the opposite direction away from the crater’s edge, bowling a few people over, trying desperately not to roll into the volcano or the other way, off the edge. 

Challenger takes off running toward the long set of stairs leading up the mountain to the platform.  Iris and Von Schmutz watch him go. 

                                                            IRIS
                                    Challenger, be careful.

But he’s already gone.  Iris watches him go, a look of concern on her face.  Von Schmutz looks at Iris, then sighs and shakes his head.

EXT. VOLCANO – DAY

As Challenger runs up the stairs they crumble and fall apart right behind him.  The Rock people standing there on the steps he passes each plummet to their deaths.  Challenger just keeps running, the primitive bamboo structure collapsing just behind him.

EXT. PLATFORM – DAY

The remaining bamboo strut supporting the platform snaps and the platform smashes down against the inner crater wall, hanging precariously by the ropes still securing it to the volcano’s upper rim.  Her manages to grab onto the ropes lashing the poles together, barely maintaining her grip as she is slammed down against the bamboo platform.  The Rock Tribesmen on the platform plunge into the mouth of the volcano, and the other cavemen begin running back down the bamboo walkway towards Challenger.

Challenger sees Her hanging over the smoking volcano.  He looks about desperately for a way to save Her.  He bends down and grabs the outside rope lashing the walkway together in his left hand. He puts the barrel of his rifle against the rope behind him and fires, shredding the hemp rope.  He holds on as the rope breaks free and begins sliding off the ends of the bamboo planks, swinging him out across the maw of the volcano.  As the rope pulls loose from the walkway, the planks are unlashed like a row of dominoes, sending the Rock Tribesmen flailing into the pit.

EXT. BASE OF VOLCANO – DAY

Iris sees Challenger and the cavemen above him seemingly all fall into the volcano’s crater.  Iris, Von Schmutz and the others all turn their heads and look away from the volcano, believing they have just seen both Challenger and Her fall into the volcano and die.  A tear wells up in Iris’s eye, and she sniffles.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Even though he was an asshole, I’ll
                                    miss him.

Captain Von Schmutz and the Lieutenant both nod.

                                                            CAPTAIN                                                          
                                    Ja, you always miss the asshole when the
                                    asshole is gone.  Ironic, no?

All the rest of the Sailors nod in agreement.  The volcano gives off an extra loud eruption and everything shakes.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    We’d better get back to the submarine.

Iris, Von Schmutz and the others all sadly turn away and leave.

EXT. THE VOLCANO’S CRATER – DAY

Challenger, meanwhile, swings past the dangling platform, grabbing Her off it and sending them both swinging into the smoke rising from the far side of the volcano.

Challenger and Her swing towards the crater’s interior wall, where, just at the very last second when it seems inevitable that they must crash into the wall and fall into the lava, there appears a fissure in the rocks, and they miraculously swing into it.

The last ropes securing the platform snap, and it plunges down into the lava below.

INT. FISSURE – DAY

Challenger and Her land in the fissure.  He lets go of the rope just as it’s pulled down with the platform.   Now there’s no way to climb out of the fissure.  Challenger unties Her’s bonds.  Her looks at Challenger like he’s a hero, her savior, He-For-Whom-She-Waits.

                                                            HER
                                    You saved my life.  Perhaps you truly
                                    are Him-For-Whom-I-Wait. 
 
                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    No, I actually met Him, and he is my
                                    great-great-great grandfather Lemuel,
                                    who oddly likes to be called “Junior.”

Her eyes light up.

                                                            HER
                                    Yes!  He liked to be called Junior. 
                                    Isn’t that silly?

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    I think so.  So, look, Sugar Puss—

Her’s eyes widen and her jaw muscles clench.

                                                            HER
                                    —Don’t call me that.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Sweetie Pie?

                                                            HER
                                                (shakes her head)
                                    Uh-uh.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Honey-bunch?

                                                            HER
                                    Uh . . . No.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    What do you suggest?

                                                            HER
                                    How about, Your Majesty?

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    All right then, Your Majesty, my feet
                                    are getting kind of hot here, how about
                                    yours?

                                                            HER
                                    Yeah, pretty hot.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Let’s get outta here!

They both quickly crawl deeper into the fissure and disappear from view, as lava flows in behind them.

EXT. BASE OF VOLCANO – DAY

Von Schmutz and his crew, along with Iris and Oo-Pongo stand at the base of the volcano waiting.  Oo-Pongo sees Oo-Gonzo in a dinosaur suit beside a wagon with Ta-Tas tied to it.

Oo-Pongo comes running up and confronts Oo-Gonzo.  Ta-Tas sees him and sighs in relief.  Oo-Pongo grabs the handle of the cart, pulls it off and swings it around like a fighting staff.  He steps toward Oo-Gonzo in a threatening way.

                                                            OO-PONGO
                                    Bebop a Lula!  Shoop!  Shoop! 

A subtitle reads: “Defend yourself, Tree Sloth!  Vengeance shall be mine!”

Oo-Gonzo grabs the handle of another cart, pulls it off and swings it around.

                                                            OO-GONZO
                                                (furious)
                                     Wham bam thankyamam!

A subtitle reads: “That’s the last straw!  Now we fight to the death!  And stop calling me a Tree Sloth ‘cause that really burns my ‘nads!”

Oo-Pongo and Oo-Gonzo fight.  They smack each other back and forth with their sticks.  Oo-Gonzo gets cracked in the head and falls to the ground.  Oo-Pongo shoves the staff into Oo-Gonzo’s face.

                                                            OO-PONGO
                                    Wom-bomma-loobomp bawomp-bam-
                                    boom!

A subtitle reads:  “Logically, I really ought to kill you, but being a reasonable man I will spare your life.”

Just as the volcano erupts again, causing a huge crack in the ground to run right under Oo-Gonzo, who disappears screaming into the fiery abyss.  Oo-Pongo shrugs, turns and unties Ta-Tas, who looks at him adoringly. 

Then another crack opens up between Iris, Von Schmutz and the crew and Oo-Pongo and Ta-Tas, who disappear from view in a cloud of steam.  Von Schmutz turns to Iris.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                                (to Iris)
                                    Well, at least the monkey-man rescued
                                    his girl before they fried to crisp.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Yes, that was sweet, in a ghastly sort
                                    of way.
                                   
                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    We can’t wait any longer, we must get
                                    back to the sub.

They turn around and begin heading down the sloping rocks, when a voice is heard above them.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                                (O.S.)
                                    Iris!  Iris!

The group looks up the hill to see Challenger and Her emerging from a narrow tunnel opening.  Iris and the others run up to them.  Junior hangs back, squinting at Her as she emerges behind Challenger.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                                (to himself)
                                    Her?

Iris rushes up to Dick and throws her arms around him.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Oh, Dick, we thought you were dead.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Nope, not this time.                           

Her sees Junior, still standing further down the hill.  She slowly approaches him.

 

                                                            HER
                                    Is it really you?  My beloved Junior?

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    A little the worse for wear, but you . . .
                                    you haven’t changed a bit, you’re as
                                    lovely as the day you captured me.

                                                            HER
                                    Well, that is one of the benefits of not
                                    aging.  You look . . . not too . . . bad.

She turns away and bites her fist.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    I guess I would have had to bathe in
                                    the Fountain regularly to keep up my
                                    looks.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Have you really been here on the island
                                    all these years?  Why did you never come
                                    back to me?

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    It was my damned foolish pride that
                                    stopped me from returning . . . that and
                                    about seventy years ago I forgot where
                                    the entrance to the valley was, then about
                                    fifty years ago I began having bouts of
                                    explosive flatulence, then about thirty
                                    years ago—

                                                            HER
                                                (cuts him off)
                                    —But we’re together again now, that’s
                                    all that matters.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    You’re right!  I’ve been a fool!  Nothing
                                    will ever separate us again!

Suddenly the volcano erupts again, spewing rock and ash.  The ground rumbles and shakes, and then splits open, forming a large fissure directly between Her and Junior.  Junior looks down into the fiery crack.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    Well, I stand corrected.

Smoke belches up from the depths of the fissure and the gap between Her and Him grows wider.

                                                HER
                                    NOO!!  I won’t lose you again!

Her takes a few steps back, then runs straight at the gaping crevice and leaps over it, landing on the far edge.  Her teeters on the edge off-balance for a second, then Junior grabs her hand and pulls her to him in a tight embrace.  The opening in the ground continues to widen as Challenger and Iris stand at the edge on the opposite side as Her and Junior.

Von Schmutz and his men begin heading back into the jungle.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    It’s too wide, you’ll have to circle down
                                    around it below and join up with us in
                                    the jungle.

                                                            HER
                                    No, I won’t flee from the mountain God.
                                    My place is with my people.  My absence
                                    would only cause needless confusion.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    And my place is by her side, I’ve been a
                                    fool for too damn long.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Well, hold on to that love, it’s the only
                                    thing worth living for in this crazy, mixed-
                                    up lost, lost world.

Iris takes hold of his arm.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Oh, Dick, that’s so true.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                                (brushing her arm off)
                                    Dammit, woman, will you stop crowding
                                    me.

Her and Junior head off toward the Lost City.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                                (calling out)
                                    Good luck and Godspeed, son!

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                                (calling back)
                                    Until we meet again, old man!

Challenger and Iris turn and head down the side of the volcano. Von Schmutz and the others are quite a ways ahead, and suddenly another crevice opens ahead of them, blocking their way.  Lava is flowing down towards them from above.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Oh, Dick, at least we can die in each
                                    other’s arms.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Will you stop with the death stuff?
                                    Follow me.

Challenger grabs Iris’s hand and leads her back toward the mountain.

EXT. FISSURE – DAY

Challenger and Iris run into the fissure, just as lava pours over the opening.

EXT. VOLCANO BASE – DAY

Von Schmutz and crew look up as Challenger and Iris disappear behind a cloud of sulphurous smoke blowing off the lava.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Quickly, men, we must launch the
                                    sub before this whole island is covered
                                    in lava.

INT. FISSURE – DAY

Challenger and Iris race back into the fissure, just ahead of the smoke and lava.  The lava pours over the fissure opening, throwing sparks up the tunnel.  Challenger and Iris get a safe distance away and turn back to see the lava cooling and solidifying over their exit. They’re lit by the orange glow from the molten hot lava, which slowly fades as it cools. They cover their mouths and cough from the noxious fumes.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Well, it looks like this is it for us, Iris.
                                    Sorry I’ve been so hard on you, I guess I
                                    was afraid to admit how you made me feel.
                                    You know, I think you’re pretty swell.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Just hold me. I can face the end, if you’ll
                                    just hold me.

The scene starts to fade-out.  Challenger looks around.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Shit, a fade-out!  Now we’re really in
                                    trouble.

The scene goes to black.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                                (V.O.)
                                    Waitaminnit! I’ve got an idea!

A match is lit, and the flame illuminates the couple.  The match flame flickers slightly, bending back towards the rear of the fissure.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    The flame should be bending towards
                                    an air vent, it can point the way out of
                                    here.

Now the scene begins to ‘Iris Out’, a black circle constricting down around the match flame, until the iris closes completely, snipping off the match head and causing the flame to fall down in front of a black frame.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Damn!  Now an Iris out!

                                                            IRIS
                                    I’m trying to get out.  I can’t see a thing!

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    What?  No, an iris, it’s a circular—oh,
                                    never mind.
                                                (pause)
                                    Wait . . . that glow, do you see that warm
                                    glow?

                                                            IRIS
                                    Oh, Dick, I’m always flushed around you,
                                    I didn’t think you’d noticed.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    I hadn’t, but I’m talking about that golden
                                    glow behind you.  Head toward it.

They crawl toward the golden glow.
 
INT. GOLDEN CHAMBER – DAY

Challenger and Iris crawl out of the rock fissure and into a glowing golden chamber with octagonal walls.  It’s about ten feet square, the walls are like golden membranes with light coming through them.  Challenger begins to dig through the waxy membrane with his nails.
                                               
                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    It’s okay, we’ll be safe in here.  Let’s just
                                    see what’s out there.

Challenger digs a hole through the membrane.  He and Iris both peer out the hole.

EXT. GOLDEN CHAMBER – DAY

We can see Iris and Challenger’s faces peering through the hole in the golden membranous wall of the chamber.  Our view rapidly widens until we can see that the chamber with them in it is but one of many thousands of chambers making up a veritable golden honeycomb.  And what could have created such a thing?  Giant bees the size of elephants, which we see come into view busily flying back and forth in their nest.

INT. GOLDEN CHAMBER – DAY

Challenger and Iris sit in the octagonal golden chamber looking out the hole. 

                                                            IRIS
                                    Those are big bees.

Challenger nods.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    You can say that again. 

Challenger crawls back to the chamber’s entrance, looks out and sees lava pouring into the fissure where they just were, sealing it off.  Can’t go that way.  Challenger turns back to Iris.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    We’re sort of stuck.  I don’t see a way
                                    out

                                                            IRIS
                                    You mean we’re going to die here?

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                                (sighs)
                                    Maybe so.

EXT. GOLDEN CHAMBER – DAY

One of the enormous bees spots the damage Challenger created digging the hole.  The bee flies up to the hole and fixes it.

INT. GOLDEN CHAMBER – DAY

As the face of the behemoth bee appears in the hole behind Challenger and Iris, with a very loud buzzing and wing-flapping noise, Challenger takes Iris in his arms and holds her tightly.  The Bee fixes the hole with goo in no time, then flies off leaving Iris and Challenger sealed in.  They both look back and see that that way is sealed off, too.  Now they’re really stuck.  Iris sticks her finger in the fresh golden goo and licks it.  Her face lights up.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Honey!

Challenger turns around and takes Iris in his arms.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Aw, Sugar, it’s okay.  I’ve known you
                                    were in love with me from the very first
                                    minute I saw you there in the lifeboat.  I
                                    could see it in your eyes.  And you know
                                    what?  I’ve grown to love you, too.  Sure,
                                    you’re a know-it-all, and kind of pushy,
                                    and you’ve got sort of a bad temper, your
                                    eyes are set too close together . . .
                                                (catches himself)
                                    . . . but somehow you make it work for
                                    you.

Iris shakes her head and sighs.

                                                            IRIS
                                    You know, it’s strange, but I guess I do
                                    love you, Challenger, although I don’t
                                    really know why.  Maybe it’s my
                                    fascination with primitive man.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Baby, you want to see primitive, you
                                    ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Challenger grabs Iris and they kiss, deeply and passionately.  While they’re kissing the volcano rumbles around them.  When they come up for air, Iris says . . .

                                                            IRIS
                                    Hold me, Challenger, and kiss me like
                                    it’s the last time!
                                   
They kiss again.

EXT. GOLDEN CHAMBER – DAY

We can see the silhouette of Challenger and Iris kissing through the golden membrane.  Our view quickly moves back to lose them among the thousands of other honeycombs.  Giant bees fly through the foreground.

EXT. ISLAND – DAY

The volcano erupts.  Fire, burning lava and black smoke spew hundreds of feet into the air.  As ash and fire begin raining down on the jungle, lava overflows the lip of the crater, then pours down to the jungle below . . .

EXT. JUNGLE – DAY

The jungle is shaking as the volcano erupts.  Ash and smoke fill the air.  Every living thing in the jungle is running as fast it can away from the volcano.  A herd of Raptors passes a lumbering Diplodocus, then cuts it off at an intersection.  The Diplodocus looks back to see what else is coming and runs smack into a giant Sequoia tree with a crunch.

Captain Von Schmutz and company are all hauling ass through the jungle back toward the submarine.  Fleeing dinosaurs pass them in the background and foreground.  

EXT. JUNGLE LAKE – DAY

The submarine is where they left it, and the remaining crewmen are busily refueling the vessel with dinosaur blubber oil.  As they near the sub, the Captain yells . . .

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Start the engines!

A SAILOR atop the conning tower salutes.
 
                                                            SAILOR
                                    Jawhol, mein Captain.

The crewman disappears inside the sub.  We hear the engines start up.

They all arrive at the sub and start to run across the gangplank.

They all see something and glance up into the sky.  It’s a hot-air balloon descending from the clouds, the basket overloaded with struggling passengers.

Looking more closely they see that in the basket of the balloon are: the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy holding Toto her little dog, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow.   The balloon is quickly losing altitude and heading down toward a particularly nasty-looking section of a jungle swamp, burping methane gas, with big green tentacles rising from the muck. 

                                                            WIZARD
                                    We’ve got to lighten the load!

Suddenly, Dorothy and Toto are thrown screaming overboard.  Dorothy and Toto splash into the swamp, and are immediately devoured by a horrible prehistoric octopus creature.  The balloon begins to gain some altitude, but not much. 

                                                            WIZARD
                                    But we’re still not light enough!

A moment later the Tin Man is also tossed overboard.  He too is immediately consumed by a terrifying swamp creature.  The balloon floats away.

The Captain and the others shake their heads, then go through the hatch inside the submarine.

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

The crew all gets inside the sub, the hatches are closed and sealed.  The Captain yells . . .

 

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Dive!  Dive!  For God’s sake, CRASH
                                    DIVE!!

                                                            LIEUTENANT
                                                (repeats)
                                    Crash Dive!!

He hits a large button and a loud honking begins.

Another button is pushed and the clanging begins.

Yet another button which emits the farting boi-oi-oing noise.

EXT. JUNGLE LAKE – DAY

The submarine lowers very slowly into the swampy green muck with a loud gurgle.  The jungle shakes as the volcano continues to erupt, smoke and black soot raining down.

Burning lava engulfs the island.  Everything in the lava’s path is consumed, including slow-moving animals and humans.  Dinosaurs of all varieties, big and small, run past, fleeing the oncoming wall of burning lava. 

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

Everybody looks closely at the depth gauge.  The needle is moving slowly from O to 1.

EXT. JUNGLE LAKE – DAY
 
As lava begins to pour into the jungle lake the submarine continues to submerge, we see all kinds of dinosaurs sitting on the deck of the submarine—a Diplodocus, a Brontosaurus, a Tyrannosaurus Rex, as well several Raptors hanging onto the conning tower.  As the submarine submerges, each dinosaur goes under one by one, leaving nothing but bubbles and fond memories.

EXT. UNDER THE WATER – DAY

As the submarine begins to travel under the lake, with dinosaurs dislodging and floating away, we see the lava pouring into the water, still bright orange and burning even though it’s underwater. 

The submarine is just staying ahead of the oncoming lava flow.

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

Captain Von Schmutz barks the order . . .

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Full-speed ahead!  Give her everything
                                    she’s got!

Oddly, the ENGINEER is a heavy-set Scotsman with a thick Scottish accent, in a German naval uniform, of course.

                                                            ENGINEER
                                    I’m doin’ my bloody best, Captain.  But
                                    the diesel turbines got to adjust to this
                                    new dinosaur blubber fuel.  I don’t think
                                    I can get more than 7,500 RPMs out of
                                    them no matter what I do.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Engineer, I need that power!

                                                            ENGINEER
                                                (salutes)
                                    Aye-aye, Captain.

Captain Von Schmutz turns his cap around, snaps down the handles and peers through the periscope.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    We must get to that crevasse before the
                                    lava flow does, otherwise we’re cooked.
                                    Literally.

EXT. UNDER THE WATER – DAY

The submarine moves toward the crevasse in the rocks, as the lava flow bears down on it from behind, chasing after it.

EXT. ISLAND – DAY

The volcano is erupting so intensely that it’s blowing the mountain to pieces.  Avalanches crash down the side of the mountain.

EXT. UNDER THE WATER – DAY

Giant boulders float down through the water, just missing the submarine.  Lava continues rushing toward them.  The submarine cruises toward the crevasse.

 

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

It’s shaking like hell inside the sub.  The Lieutenant glances at the thermometer and it’s past 90 degrees.  He wipes his forehead, then grabs a handrail and burns his hand.

The Captain is knocked to the floor.  He glances down into his shirt pocket and sees the  red flower he picked earlier.  He smells it, puts it in his pipe, lights it and gives it a big hit.  His eyes open wide—it’s good!

EXT. UNDER THE WATER – DAY

The submarine makes it into the crevasse.  A moment later the lava reaches the crevasse and begins to back up.

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

The Captain is looking through the periscope back from whence they came.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    We’ve made it!  By God, we’ve made
                                    it!

Everyone aboard the sub cheers.  Captain Von Schmutz turns from the periscope and his eyes are bloodshot and slightly crossed.  He takes a big puff on his pipe and holds it in, a little smoke escaping from his nose.  He blows out a big hit in a long stream.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Lieutenant, break out the ice cream!

The Lieutenant points at the thermometer.

                                                            LIEUTENANT
                                    But Captain, it’s over 95 degrees Fahrenheit.

The Captain pounds his fist on the steel bulkhead with a loud clong.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    God damn it, Lieutenant,  I said break
                                    out the ice cream!  Do you hear me,
                                    man?

The Lieutenant salutes.

                                                            LIEUTENANT
                                    Jawhol, mein Captain.

EXT. CREVASSE – DAY

The submarine cruises through the thin, craggy crevasse.  Lava continues to pour into the water behind them heating it up.

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

Everybody in the submarine crew now holds a melting ice cream cone, including the Lieutenant, and the Captain.  The thermometer reads 100 degrees.  Everyone has ice cream on their face.  The Captain raises his ice cream cone above his head.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    To Kaiser Wilhelm II!

The Lieutenant raises his cone.

                                                            LIEUTENANT
                                    To the Kaiser!

Everybody raises their melting ice cream cones, and they all simultaneously melt to soup and run down their arms.

Captain Von Schmutz hungrily eats the cone.  His eyes are going around in circles.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Mmmm, good.
                                                (looks around)
                                    Have we got any nuts?  Pretzels? 
                                    Anything salty?

EXT. UNDER THE WATER – DAY

The submarine comes out of the crevasse back into the open ocean waters.

EXT. ISLAND – DAY

The volcano continues erupting, spewing smoke, ash and lava into the air.  The periscope rises up out of the water, followed by the rest of the submarine which surfaces in the foreground.  The hatch pops open and out climbs Captain Von Schmutz and the Lieutenant, both of whom have binoculars.  They both watch the volcano blow it’s top.

                                                            LIEUTENANT
                                    It’s a shame about Dr. Oglethorpe and
                                    Challenger.  And the others, too.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    Ah, what can you do?  Easy come,
                                    easy go, you know.  The Lord giveth
                                    and the Lord taketh away.  Here today,
                                    gone tomorrow.  C’est la vie.

Just then a dark object can be seen in the sky, accompanied by a low-pitched buzzing sound.  The Captain and the Lieutenant raise their binoculars and look.

They see a giant bee flying out to sea from the island, and it’s coming right toward them.  As it gets closer they see that sitting on the giant bee’s back are Iris and Challenger, riding it like a flying horse.  They spot the submarine and wave their arms.

The Captain and the Lieutenant wave back.  The bee swoops in over the submarine and both Iris and Challenger dive off into the ocean.  The submarine sends out a life boat for them.

Captain Von Scmutz lights his pipe and his face lights up, there’s still some of that red flower in there.  He pokes around with the stick match as it burns and he gets a big hit.  The Captain blows out a long stream of blue smoke, then grins.

Iris and Challenger get out of the lifeboat, climb up the conning tower and greet the Captain.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Good to see you again, Captain Von
                                    Schmutz.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Yes, it’s good to be here. 

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                                (shakes his head)
                                    Now that was a big bee.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    You can say that again.  But as friendly
                                    a bee as you’ll ever meet.

Just then the volcano completely explodes, blowing the whole island to pieces.  Everyone on the sub watches in silence as the island begins to sink beneath briny waves.

EXT. TREE HOUSE – DAY

Her and Junior come racing up to his tree house.  They climb up into the tree house and hold onto each other as the whole island sinks beneath them.  The water keeps rising and rising, then stops directly below the tree holding up the tree house.  Now it’s a very little island with one tree.

Her and Junior let go of each other.  They both sigh, then finally take a look at one another.

                                                            HER
                                    Boy oh boy, the years have not been
                                    good to you.

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    Hey, thanks!  That’s because I haven’t
                                    been bathing in the Fountain of Forever,
                                    like you have.  But you won’t be anymore,
                                    either, so we’ll just see how you look in
                                    a little while.

                                                            HER
                                    And what was that little stunt about
                                    saying you were going to get some
                                    cigarettes and then never coming back,
                                    huh?

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    You’re not going to bring that up every
                                    five minutes, are you?

                                                            HER
                                    Maybe I am.  What of it?

                                                            JUNIOR
                                                (disgusted)
                                    Oh, shut up!

                                                            HER
                                    Don’t tell me to shut up!  You never tell
                                    me to shut up!

                                                            JUNIOR
                                    Oh, yeah?  Well, shut up!

                                                            HER
                                    No, you shut up!

Our view moves rapidly away from the tiny little island with it’s one tree, and thankfully the voices fade away.

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

We travel backward across the surface of the ocean.  Suddenly, things begin popping up out of the ocean waves, and we quickly realize that it’s dead dinosaurs floating up to the surface, then bobbing around.  First a Brontosaurus, then a Triceratops, then a few Raptors.
 
EXT. SUBMARINE – SUNSET

We arrive back at the submarine.  Challenger, Iris and Von Schmutz stand on the watch deck of the conning tower looking out over the ocean.  Von Schmutz puffs on his pipe.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                                (grins)
                                    Hey, how about some ice cream?

Iris and Challenger look at each other and smile.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Ice cream sounds swell.

They all climb down the ladder into the sub.

INT. SUBMARINE – DAY

Everybody is enjoying their ice cream cones very much, which luckily aren’t melting this time.  Someone puts a new cylinder on the Edison cylinder machine, switches it on, places the needle against the cylinder and it’s Challenger’s recording of “O Solo Mio.”  Sadly, he’s not a very good singer, but it is, nevertheless, quite a spirited performance. 

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    It’s number three in the Yucatan, and
                                    moving up with a bullet.

Iris sighs deeply.

                                                            IRIS
                                    I sure wish I had some evidence of
                                    what we saw there on that island.

                                                            CHALLENGER
                                    Like one of those flowers that’s been
                                    extinct for a million years?

                                                            IRIS
                                                (nods)
                                    Right.  Like one of those.
                                   
Challenger reaches into his shirt pocket and removes one of the red flowers and hands it to Iris.  Iris’s eyes light up. 

                                                            IRIS
                                    Ya know, Challenger, you’re some
                                    kind of all right yourself.

Iris throws her arms around Challenger’s neck, gives him a big kiss and mistakenly dumps her ice cream cone down his back.

Meanwhile, Captain Von Schmutz also sees the flower and his eyes light up, too.

                                                            CAPTAIN
                                    May I inspect that flower, please?

Iris hands it to him without looking.

                                                            IRIS
                                    Of course, Captain.

Captain Von Schmutz takes the flower, grins devilishly and crams it into his pipe.

Challenger and Iris continue to kiss.

EXT. OCEAN – SUNSET

The submarine zigzags it’s way across the ocean, occasionally going around in circles.  Challenger’s scratchy recording of “O Solo Mio” continues to play.

Just then coming through the foreground, riding on a wave, is the extremely long-necked turtle, and riding on the turtle’s back is Oo-Pongo with Ta-Tas behind him holding on.  They ride the turtle off into the sunset.

                                                                                                            DISSOLVE:

EXT. SEASHORE – DAY

An old FISHERMAN with a white beard and a pipe in his mouth walks along the seashore.  The strong wind blows the Fisherman’s beard around, and the smoke from his pipe curls off behind him.  As the tide runs out it reveals a bottle stuck in the sand.  The Fisherman picks up the bottle and brushes it off. 

He sees that there is something inside in the bottle.  He pulls out the cork, sticks his fingers in and retrieves a thick stack of crinkly crisp pages.  Sadly, without his glasses he can’t see a thing.  The old Fisherman fumbles excitedly under his sweater for his glasses.

                                                            FISHERMAN
                                    Why, this could be the greatest discovery
                                    of all time—
                                                (just then he loses his grip
                                                on the pages and they all
                                                blow out of his hand and
                                                into the sea)
                                    Whoops!

The old Fisherman makes a feeble grab for the pages, but they’re gone.  He looks momentarily embarrassed and coughs.

                                                            FISHERMAN
                                    But, probably not.

He tosses the bottle in the water and walks away up the shore.

Challenger’s scratchy recording of “O Solo Mio” continues to play.

THE END

 

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