ESSAYS, ARTICLES, & REVIEWS
CONSERVATIVES HATE AMERICA
Sept. 22, 2013
I so completely and utterly can’t stand conservatives of any stripe that I will no longer discuss politics with any of them under any circumstances. Since conservatives are so blatantly against everything that’s good for America, there’s nothing left to discuss.
When I did discuss politics with conservatives, which is a lesson in total futility, my first questions was generally, “Did you vote for George W. Bush?” The answer was invariably yes, although there are those “independent” conservatives who vote for jerk-offs like Ross Perot or Ron Paul, who would rather throw their vote away than do anything meaningful. My second question was, “Did you vote for Bush the second time?” and the answer was most often yes. Then I’d say, “Oh, so then you hate America, do you?” This of course frequently upset them, as it was meant to (suckers!). If you voted for a completely fucking stupid, evil piece of shit, who got us into a war for absolutely no reason that took the lives of about 200,000 people, mostly civilians, ran our economy into the toilet, used wholesale torture on anybody and everybody, and was so fucking dumb that he couldn’t remember the childish adage, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me,” which I first heard from the mouth of that great philosopher of the past, Gomer Pyle, then you too have to be as stupid as a box of rocks. However, if you voted for Bush a second time, knowing how ignorant and wrongheaded the schmuck was, then you obviously don’t want anything good to become of our country, which is indeed hateful.
Here’s one conservatives really don’t like to hear: George W. Bush was directly responsible for the terrorist attacks of 9/11. When Bush took office he was informed by both Bill Clinton and Richard Clarke at the CIA that the number one threat to America was Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda. But Bush wasn’t having any of that. In his pea brain America’s biggest threat was Saddam Hussein and Iraq, probably because Saddam had previously threatened his father. Conservatives can pretend that nobody on earth knew if Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, but many people knew, including the CIA, the FBI and the State Department, not to mention anyone else who happened to read newspapers, watch “Frontline” on PBS (a notoriously socialistic, liberal show based entirely on deceit and falsehood), or anyone who happened to watch that poor deluded asshole, Colin Powell, get up in front of the U.N. Security Council and make the flimsiest case ever for going to war. The sheer moronic audacity of showing a drawing of a truck and saying that it was “indisputable evidence” of WMDs, not to mention Mr. Powell’s slight lateral lisp that caused him to say, “Indishputable,” was flabbergasting. Anyway, so Bush took office and the very first thing he did was take all the CIA surveillance off of al Qaeda, specifically the Hamburg cell that was busily concocting the 9/11 attacks, so that suddenly Bush opened a window for them inviting them to attack us, which they promptly did.
Conservatives believe that the only Americans who need looking after are billionaire Wall Street brokers, who don’t produce anything except fraud, but not the average underpaid worker who has two jobs and can’t support their family. This latter group of folks, of whom there are far more of than the former group, happen to be Americans, too. Yet conservatives hate them because they’re “slackers” riding on the coattails of the hardworking billionaires, who mainly don’t pay U.S. taxes because they hide their money in offshore bank accounts. What could possibly be more American than screwing the IRS? Getting away with it. If I don’t pay my taxes the IRS comes down on my head like an avalanche of shit. If Bernie Madoff doesn’t pay his taxes (thankfully, from jail now), he is celebrated as a financial genius, skillfully working the system to his patriotic advantage.
Mitch McConnell, Republican senator from the great state of Kentucky, convened a meeting of all the Republican senators in the Library of Congress and informed them that job number one of Republican Senators was to stop all Democratic legislation no matter what it was under all circumstances. Senator McConnell intentionally destroyed the inner workings of the great American Senate for his own devious partisan reasons, and if that’s not un-American I don’t know what is.
Say what you will about President Obama—he’s not a strong leader, he can’t get anything done (not his fault), he’s a Muslim born in Kenya—but he is clearly and obviously, at least to me, a good, kind-hearted man and fine, upstanding American. Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, John McCain and the like are fucking traitors who hate America. McConnell should end up in a coal mine collapse, Graham should end up as field hand on a South Carolina plantation, and McCain should have stayed in the Hanoi Hilton.