STORIES
LOU'S DELI
By
Josh Becker
EXT. LOU’S DELI – DAY
Lou’s Deli is a ratty little storefront establishment in a crappy part of town.
INT. LOU’S DELI – DAY
The inside of the small deli is as dingy as the outside. There’s a deli counter full of corned beef, pastrami, tongue and various other deli foods. Behind the counter is a thin, long-faced man of 78 named LOU GARFINKLE who is busily wrapping corned beef in white paper. Also behind the counter, slicing pastrami, is a tall, slightly heavyset, 45-year-old man named GARY GARKINKLE. Standing in front of counter is an older black WOMAN awaiting her order.
LOU
(to Gary)
Hey, hotshot, you ever gonna finish slicing
that pastrami?
GARY
Take it easy, Pop, I’m just about done.
LOU
(to the Woman)
He’s slow as molasses in January.
(to Gary)
What’s a matter? Afraid you’ll slice your
thumb off.
GARY
(patiently)
Just give it a rest, OK?
LOU
(aggravated)
Give it a rest? You’re the one taking a
rest. How ‘bout you put a little coal in
the boiler and get a move on.
Gary puts the white paper-wrapped pastrami on the counter next to the other wrapped package.
GARY
That’ll be $14.99.
The Woman goes into her pocketbook, takes out a credit card and hands it to Gary. Gary gets a pained expression on his face and turns to Lou. Lou says to the Woman . . .
LOU
We don’t take credit cards.
WOMAN
This is a debit card.
LOU
We don’t take those either.
WOMAN
Well, I don’t have any cash on me.
Lou shrugs and takes back the two packages.
LOU
That’s how it goes.
WOMAN
(offended)
Oh, that’s ridiculous.
The Woman turns and walks away. Gary calls after her.
GARY
There’s an ATM at the gas station
across the street.
But the Woman is gone. Gary shakes his head and loudly sighs.
LOU
What’s with the sighing? I’m not paying
those goddamn fees to the credit card
companies and the banks. The hell with
them!
GARY
Dad, we have to get with the 21st century.
Everybody takes debit and credit cards
now. We’re losing business.
LOU
(angry)
I won’t pay the damn fees, and since I’m
Lou, and this is still Lou’s Deli, I’ll make
the rules! Got it, you little pisher?
GARY
Dad, I’m a 45-year-old man. I have a
wife and two kids in college, and I could
do with making some more money. A
few updates wouldn’t hurt this place.
Good god, we don’t even have a micro-
wave oven.
LOU
Don’t tell me how to run my business.
40 years I’ve been here and I think I
know what I’m doing, thank you very
much. I don’t like modern things and
I won’t have anything to do with ‘em.
Gary shakes his head and sighs again. Just then Lou’s face twists into a knot of pain. He grabs the left side of his chest.
LOU
Oy gevult!
GARY
Dad? What’s happening?
Lou doesn’t answer; he can’t. He gasps for air, then begins to collapse. Gary catches him before he hits the floor.
EXT. ST. JOSEPH MERCY HOSPITAL – DAY
St. Joseph Mercy Hospital is a large, six-story building with an enclosed walkway bridge spanning Woodward Ave.
INT. ST. JOSEPH MERCY HOSPITAL / WAITING ROOM – DAY
Gary sits in the waiting room drinking a cup of coffee. A male DOCTOR in his early 40s in a white coat and holding a file enters and steps up to Gary.
DOCTOR
Mr. Garfinkle?
Gary stands up.
GARY
Yes, that’s me.
DOCTOR
Your father is fine.
GARY
(relieved)
Oh, thank god.
DOCTOR
However, he does have arrhythmia,
meaning his heart won’t beat properly.
He’ll need to have a pacemaker implanted
in his chest.
GARY
Is it a difficult operation?
DOCTOR
(shakes his head)
No, not at all. It will be implanted
right under the skin of his chest, with
contacts running into the heart. It gives
off constant little electrical impulses
that keep the heart beating in its proper
rhythm. Pacemakers are very sophisticated
these days. The battery will last up to
seven years. They do, however, still
have a few drawbacks, but they’re working
those out, too. Otherwise, they’re entirely
safe. Your father will be just like he was
before.
GARY
(somewhat ironically)
Excellent.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Lou is in a hospital bed in a hospital room with an IV line running into the back of his hand, as well as an EKG and an EEG attached to him. Gary enters the room.
GARY
Hi, Dad.
LOU
Well, it’s the little pisher. Run the
business into the dirt yet?
Gary sits down in the one chair.
GARY
No, not yet.
LOU
Well, will miracles never cease? You
sure?
GARY
Yeah, I’m sure. How do you feel.
LOU
Full of piss and vinegar. I can’t wait to
get outta this damn bed and get back to
work. You miss me?
GARY
(insincere)
Very much.
LOU
Baloney! Don’t kid a kidder. You
were hoping I’d die so you could take
over, right? Go ahead, admit it.
GARY
It’s not true.
LOU
Yeah? Little pisher. I’ve got more
experience in my baby finger than
you’ll ever have.
GARY
(weary)
I’m sure you do.
(stands)
I’ve gotta go.
LOU
You just got here.
GARY
Rebecca’s waiting for me. The kids are
coming in from school and we’re all going
out to dinner.
LOU
They can’t come by and see their grandpa?
GARY
We’ll all come by tomorrow. That’s why
they’re coming in. To see you.
LOU
Fine, what do I care. I’ll just be here by
myself eating the slop they call food. Don’t
worry about me.
GARY
OK, I won’t. ‘Bye, Dad. See you tomorrow.
LOU
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Gary leaves with a look of exasperation on his face.
EXT. LOU’S DELI – DAY
A taxi cab pulls up in front of Lou’s Deli. The back door opens and Lou steps out holding a suitcase. He goes into the deli.
INT. LOU’S DELI – DAY
Gary is behind the counter wrapping sliced meat in white paper. He looks up and sees Lou enter.
GARY
(surprised)
Dad, what are you doing here?
LOU
I own the place.
GARY
But I was going to come and pick you
up in an hour.
LOU
I could grow old die waiting for you.
GARY
How do you feel?
LOU
Better than ever. I’m gonna live another
twenty years.
At which point Lou’s eyes grow wide, he grabs his chest, gasps, then collapses in a heap on the floor. Gary runs to him.
GARY
Dad? Dad? Oh, dear god!
EXT. CEMETARY – DAY
A funeral service is going on. Ten people, including Gary, his wife, their two grown sons, and various others, as well as a RABBI, stand around the grave looking bereaved. The Rabbi invokes the Jewish funeral prayers.
RABBI
(in Hebrew)
The Jewish funeral prayers . . .
(Vayisk-adal, vayisk-adash . . .)
The casket is lowered into the grave. After everyone leaves two workmen shovel dirt into the grave.
INT. COFFIN – NIGHT
A waxy-looking Lou Garfinkle lies in the buried coffin, dead, his hands folded over his chest. We are seeing his left side. Our view moves closer to his side, below his bent left elbow.
INT. INSIDE LOU’S CHEST – NIGHT
We can see the pacemaker implanted in Lou’s chest which looks kind of like an iPod. We follow the wires that run from the pacemaker through the chest cavity and into Lou’s dead heart. The pacemaker keeps regularly emitting electrical impulses accompanied by little bzzzt noises each time. One electrical impulse after another after another . . .
EXT. SKY – NIGHT
The full moon races across the dark night sky.
EXT. SKY – DAY
The sun races across a bright blue sky.
EXT. SKY – NIGHT
The full moon races across the dark night sky yet again.
EXT. CEMETARY / GRAVE – NIGHT
The shadow of the headstone cast by the bright moonlight spins around in a circle as the night quickly goes by.
INT. INSIDE LOU’S CHEST – NIGHT
Suddenly, Lou’s dead heart contracts, like a fist opening and closing. Then it contracts again, then again. Soon Lou’s heart is beating again at full strength.
INT. COFFIN – NIGHT
Lou’s eyes open and they’re entirely white. His folded hands drop to his sides as he begins to gasp and cough. He then begins to pound on the lid of the coffin. He pounds and punches and kicks, growling as he exerts himself.
EXT. CEMETARY / GRAVE – NIGHT
The dirt on top of the grave begins to shift. Soon a divot appears in the dirt, which grows wider and deeper as the dirt slides down into the hole.
A shaking, withered, bony, dirt-smeared old hand rises up out of the dirt. The fingers flex as the hand opens and closes. Then another hand pushes it’s way up through the dirt. Next, the reanimated corpse of Lou Garfinkle sits up out of the dirt. His face and his clothes are completely filthy and smeared with dirt. He shakily stands up, then slowly leaves the gravesite.
EXT. CEMETARY – NIGHT
The full moon shines brightly over the cemetery illuminating the headstones. Zombie Lou staggers across the cemetery weaving his between the headstones.
EXT. LOU’S DELI – NIGHT
Lou steps up in front of his deli, only the sign has been changed and now it’s “Gary’s Deli.” Lou’s mouth drops open in shock. He looks around to see if maybe he’s in the wrong place, but he isn’t. Lou opens the door and goes inside.
INT. LOU’S (GARY’S) DELI – NIGHT
Lou steps inside the deli and looks around—it’s entirely different. There are tablecloths on the tables, cute little lamps, all new pictures on the wall, and beyond all of that, customers. Lou has an expression of pure horror.
Behind the deli counter is Gary, as well as another employee, both turned away busily slicing meat. Several customers are lined up and crowding around the counter, inspecting the various types of meat. Just as Lou steps up to the counter a CUSTOMER asks . . .
CUSTOMER
Do you take credit cards?
GARY
Of course we do.
CUSTOMER
Could you please heat that corned beef
up for me?
GARY
(still facing away)
Not a problem.
Gary puts the corned beef in the new microwave oven and pushes the on button, which beeps.
Lou’s eyes widen in intense horror and pain as his pacemaker begins to short out. Sparks come out of his shirt.
Gary and everybody else all turn and watch, their faces a study in terror.
Lou gasps, falls to the floor and this time he really and truly dies. Smoke rises from his burned shirt and fried pacemaker.
FADE OUT